Category: life

The Deceptive

by xela

So… things have been a little complicated lately. But not complicated in the ways I usually complicate things. For once, the bulk of my complications seem to be external, and inside, in my mind, things make perfect sense. Seeing as no one is reading this entry (:-P) I suppose I can deliniate more than I normally would (also since I don’t have a Xanga anymore).

I’ve seen/heard/been somewhat involved in, the stupid politics that surrounds the female social culture. And it is utterly ridiculous how much of one’s judgement of another is based on heresay, rumors, gossip, secrets that are told under promist to protect the people they implicate, masks of “Oh no, it’s all ok! trust me ::smiles::”……”i hate you @&%*&*@!*#*!). It’s all politics, I’ve been invovled in it, I know. But how many facets of personality can one have? All of this, comes from an incomplete acceptance of self, a selfish desire for friends, and biased prejudices of others. That’s all it is really. You can know what people do, but how can you know why they do it until you get to konw them? And how can you call yourself human, when you don’t accept the flaws in yourself that you so clearly see in your neighbor? How can you call your “friend” evil, when your lies to protect yourself wrap you in so many layers of averice and falsehood?

How much can you judge one person based on what others of this personality say? One of the greatest things that emerged from high school for me is an understanding of myself, flaws included. Sure I’ve been asinine once in a while and actually, I enjoy the power of being able to do so. I don’t deny that I’m imperfect–I don’t like some of the thigns I do, but I at least understand what makes me do so. Can you say the same? Can you say the same for this person you think is evil?

Can you say in public that you live by a certain moral code when in private with your “true friends” you violate that code whenever you want some fun? If you can, what can you say about “true” yourself? If you do, then what does that make you?

I don’t know where I’m going with this, so I’ll conclude with the promise that even though none of us (not me, and not you either) are perfect followers of any moral code, I will do my best to accept what I am and what I do, and as much as I can, understand why you do what you. You are not evil, I believe that because I believe in human imperfection. Really, in all your lies, and falsities, you are my friend, perfectly human. And so am I.

It’s April.

by skyrien

You know what that means, don’t you?  The school year is drawing to a close.  The first school year.  I am as yet faced with the prospect of Northwestern, a prospect which has been looming in my reluctance to enjoy or appreciate U of I for a good majority of this year.  Yet the closer it grows, the less certain I become that NU is perfect for me – or, at least, more so than UIUC.

For one, the school itself really is nice.  The more I let myself, the more I notice what an ideal college atmosphere Urbana-Champaign has. It’s funny, I think, how much control your mind has over you; how little you notice this control.  I wonder now if UIUC was unappealing because I refused to accept anything less than NU, or if it really…was.  What I do know, however, is that there’s a certain spirit, a certain devotion, a certain love for the school which makes the campus comes alive.

And then there are the people.  There are the people here, the people that have contributed to the memory of that first unforgettable year in college; a memory which would be irrevocably altered without their presence.  They are people I am eternally grateful for, and people who indeed make me grateful for U of I.  There are as well the people that are coming, some that I’ve been friends with for ages now, and some that owe me food credits I will never be reimbursed with if I leave .

I’ve realized, however, there will always be forks in the road of life, no matter where you are.  And with each fork you take, there will always be the lingering thought in your mind that maybe you took the wrong road.  That maybe your choice is wholly a blemish on your record of good judgement.  That maybe twenty years from now, you will look back on where you were, and regret that decision.

Or that maybe, just maybe, you’ve made the best choice of your entire life.