Year 3 – Chapter 8 – The chaos of daily survival

by skyrien

Xander’s College Life: Year 3

Chapter 8 – The chaos of daily survival

Okay, so I have two CS assignments to finish, so I’ll make this quick.

For those that asked, the song that was on previous is called “Interlude” by a guy who goes by SVC. He originally meant for it to be in an independent film, but that didn’t work out—so he’s selling the song online. I found it on the background of the Global Orgasm initiative website. Don’t ask, just read.

That said, it’s scary how quickly life can change—or at least, the future of a whole semester. I suppose it’s no secret anymore; Cathy broke her leg, and amidst other complications, having missed three weeks of school, has elected to withdraw for the term. It’s scary how a single slip can change the course of an entire year. Then again, many unexpected life events are like that… life/death even; we’re like fragile flickering flames in a vast windy uncaring universe. Sometimes we live so vigorously, that we forget that that something so small, a lapse in judgment, a mistake, a minor slipup, can… well, do quite a lot of harm.

Quite a paradox; somehow it seems like a grave injustice given the infinite meaning our lives hold.

Or simply a fact of existence. I sat in at an actuarial class today (to enrich my education? Okay fine, my main reason for being there was to finish my ECE 329 homework), and for that moment, saw that life and death… really are just statistics. Whether it’s the likelihood of death between insurance periods (0.02 for those in a certain coverage group), for some people, it’s part of their jobs to determine how high the death benefit needs to be to generate the most profits. Also, a fact of life, but still, a little morbid, don’t you think?

But alas, it’s all economics, and of course, I have nothing against actuaries—it’s still work that benefits our society.

What does all this mean? If this is life, then where to all the other infinite-valued concepts, like time or love, fit in? I don’t get why I’m having such a hard time reconciling this reality now, I’ve never had a problem with it before. Why am I suddenly acting like a disillusioned idealist?

Well, I think I’ve spent enough time thinking in terms of numbers, I have to get this sucker to spin around a mesh at a variable radius, while also getting an auto-centering camera to move in spherical coordinates according to user input.


Bunny!

See ya, and stay safe! Don’t become a statistic!

Oh just filler material

by xela

So I think I need to write here more, because, (in no particular order) (a) my Xanga is nothing but a front (An excellent front where I can maintain some semblance to being completely normal, but alas, my personal philosophy says that normal sucks and I have no purpose being on this earth if I intend to spend it being “normal”), (b) Vicky’s posts are taking up more than 80% of all my friends entries, (c) I’m about to update my Xanga, and historically, for the most part, I’ve updated both at the same time. So there.

Now what was I saying?

I’m actually becoming slightly concerned for my employment prospects for this summer. Yeah, so there’s still some time. A lot of people I know have their summer ’07 plans all finalized, doing internships, summer school, traveling, etc… Not very much actually, engineering positions are usually filled in last, and I still have several interviews to go, but still; it’s rather unsettling when most everyone else I know has some idea of where they’re going, and I’m still trying to get offers.

~~~

I’m also beginning to think that I’m losing my moral compass… …no, actually I’m beginning to think that I chucked that little guide at some rock a while back and I’m only now realizing that I can’t get anywhere without it. Sure, I can play by ear, as one suggested to be before, but seriously… how long can that go?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is… well, like how I feel about the summer: I have no idea where I’m going, except that I’m just going, one step at a time, ahead a little bit with whatever seems best at that moment (i.e. utilitarianism, which I think, isn’t a form of normative ethics at all). Maybe I’ve finally given up trying to be something epic, and settled for… well, my own life.

And to be honest, I think I’ve lost something;

A sense of direction.
A sense of purpose.
Some reason for why I’m living.

Dammit, this sucks!

Year 3 Chapter 7 – Post Winter Break, onto Semester VI

by skyrien

I haven’t been this excited to return to school since freshman year. Not that I’m particularly looking forward to this grueling semester of 6 classes and 20 hours, but I think some productivity would be nice. Mleh, what am I saying, I AM looking forward to this semester! Taking two classes that I’ve been wanting to take for years, CS 440 (Intro to Artificial Intelligence) and ECE 410 (Digital Signal Processing I), I’ve got research work involving human-machine interface, and I am absolutely going to gain 15 lbs this semester!

Xanga seems to be falling out of favor these days; maybe people are flocking to Facebook notes instead. I’d be sad to give up this writing venue after over three years of nearly consistent journaling. but, times do change, and we must change with them, so whatever. We’ll see how much life Xanga has left.

School’s been quite lively. The first two weeks have been manageable. My course load for the semester: a nice 20 hours, but from the looks of it, it might be the first time I actually keep my overload. Besides, right now, my schedule looks like a nice heart:


Quite the symmetry!

New for this semester: I’ve gotten some shades and a pair of Motorola wireless headphones (HT820 – the ones that create a striking resemblance to Princess Leia)!


At $80, some doubt it’s value, but I think it’s a pretty good deal. I’ve seen these sell for $140.

I’ve gotten mixed responses, (Flam for one compliments me and says I am a nerd), and a few others. But ya know what? It’s
the best way to listen to music on the go, while still being able to make and answer calls. And they also function as high-tech earmuffs.


Eh? Eh? Yeah, ok, stop laughing.

Yeah, I meant to write more… but, I’m hungry, so that’s all for now! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY today to Karen Wong, and Jen Kolar!

P.S. Pizza Hut delivery in Urbana sucks. I just ordered a pizza online, and the estimated delivery time is 75 minutes. Seventy-five minutes—as in, I ordered this at 6:50, and it’s not supposed to get here till 8:05. Is delivery not for those who are starving and yet too entirely weakened to get up and make food? Meanwhile, I am reduced to continuing a Xanga entry…