<UPDATE>
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SNOW DAY #2!!!– 2/14/2007 – All Wednesday Classes CancelledFebruary 13, 2007All Wednesday (Feb. 14) classes at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Only personnel providing critical services should continue to report for each work
shift until further notice. Employees uncertain about their status should direct any questions to their supervisors. |
Okay, so I have two CS assignments to finish, so I’ll make this quick.
For those that asked, the song that was on previous is called “Interlude” by a guy who goes by SVC. He originally meant for it to be in an independent film, but that didn’t work out—so he’s selling the song online. I found it on the background of the Global Orgasm initiative website. Don’t ask, just read.
That said, it’s scary how quickly life can change—or at least, the future of a whole semester. I suppose it’s no secret anymore; Cathy broke her leg, and amidst other complications, having missed three weeks of school, has elected to withdraw for the term. It’s scary how a single slip can change the course of an entire year. Then again, many unexpected life events are like that… life/death even; we’re like fragile flickering flames in a vast windy uncaring universe. Sometimes we live so vigorously, that we forget that that something so small, a lapse in judgment, a mistake, a minor slipup, can… well, do quite a lot of harm.
Quite a paradox; somehow it seems like a grave injustice given the infinite meaning our lives hold.
Or simply a fact of existence. I sat in at an actuarial class today (to enrich my education? 
Okay fine, my main reason for being there was to finish my ECE 329 homework), and for that moment, saw that life and death… really are just statistics. Whether it’s the likelihood of death between insurance periods (0.02 for those in a certain coverage group), for some people, it’s part of their jobs to determine how high the death benefit needs to be to generate the most profits. Also, a fact of life, but still, a little morbid, don’t you think?
But alas, it’s all economics, and of course, I have nothing against actuaries—it’s still work that benefits our society.
What does all this mean? If this is life, then where to all the other infinite-valued concepts, like time or love, fit in? I don’t get why I’m having such a hard time reconciling this reality now, I’ve never had a problem with it before. Why am I suddenly acting like a disillusioned idealist?
Well, I think I’ve spent enough time thinking in terms of numbers, I have to get this sucker to spin around a mesh at a variable radius, while also getting an auto-centering camera to move in spherical coordinates according to user input.
Bunny! 
See ya, and stay safe! Don’t become a statistic!
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So I think I need to write here more, because, (in no particular order) (a) my Xanga is nothing but a front (An excellent front where I can maintain some semblance to being completely normal, but alas, my personal philosophy says that normal sucks and I have no purpose being on this earth if I intend to spend it being “normal”), (b) Vicky’s posts are taking up more than 80% of all my friends entries, (c) I’m about to update my Xanga, and historically, for the most part, I’ve updated both at the same time. So there.
Now what was I saying?
I’m actually becoming slightly concerned for my employment prospects for this summer. Yeah, so there’s still some time. A lot of people I know have their summer ’07 plans all finalized, doing internships, summer school, traveling, etc… Not very much actually, engineering positions are usually filled in last, and I still have several interviews to go, but still; it’s rather unsettling when most everyone else I know has some idea of where they’re going, and I’m still trying to get offers.
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I’m also beginning to think that I’m losing my moral compass… …no, actually I’m beginning to think that I chucked that little guide at some rock a while back and I’m only now realizing that I can’t get anywhere without it. Sure, I can play by ear, as one suggested to be before, but seriously… how long can that go?
I guess what I’m really trying to say is… well, like how I feel about the summer: I have no idea where I’m going, except that I’m just going, one step at a time, ahead a little bit with whatever seems best at that moment (i.e. utilitarianism, which I think, isn’t a form of normative ethics at all). Maybe I’ve finally given up trying to be something epic, and settled for… well, my own life.
And to be honest, I think I’ve lost something;
A sense of direction.
A sense of purpose.
Some reason for why I’m living.
Dammit, this sucks!