So I think I need to write here more, because, (in no particular order) (a) my Xanga is nothing but a front (An excellent front where I can maintain some semblance to being completely normal, but alas, my personal philosophy says that normal sucks and I have no purpose being on this earth if I intend to spend it being “normal”), (b) Vicky’s posts are taking up more than 80% of all my friends entries, (c) I’m about to update my Xanga, and historically, for the most part, I’ve updated both at the same time. So there.
Now what was I saying?
I’m actually becoming slightly concerned for my employment prospects for this summer. Yeah, so there’s still some time. A lot of people I know have their summer ’07 plans all finalized, doing internships, summer school, traveling, etc… Not very much actually, engineering positions are usually filled in last, and I still have several interviews to go, but still; it’s rather unsettling when most everyone else I know has some idea of where they’re going, and I’m still trying to get offers.
I’m also beginning to think that I’m losing my moral compass… …no, actually I’m beginning to think that I chucked that little guide at some rock a while back and I’m only now realizing that I can’t get anywhere without it. Sure, I can play by ear, as one suggested to be before, but seriously… how long can that go?
I guess what I’m really trying to say is… well, like how I feel about the summer: I have no idea where I’m going, except that I’m just going, one step at a time, ahead a little bit with whatever seems best at that moment (i.e. utilitarianism, which I think, isn’t a form of normative ethics at all). Maybe I’ve finally given up trying to be something epic, and settled for… well, my own life.
And to be honest, I think I’ve lost something;
A sense of direction.
A sense of purpose.
Some reason for why I’m living.
Dammit, this sucks!