It’s a new year…
Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don’t it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
You grew up way too fast
And now there’s nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won’t tell no one your name
And I won’t tell em your name
So. I’ve decided that I need to regain my frame of reference on life. Probably the whole “sophomore-junior” year phase when you’re not entirely sure where you are in the bigger picture of school, but it’s annoying. It’s damn annoying that I feel like I’m just lost in a big shuffle here, and sure, things are different. And not just with “career” stuff. As Dave Barry said: “Never confuse your career with your life.”
So where is my life, really? Year 2005 was defined by conflicts and struggles. This year… seems like it’s the same thing! I think it becomes a problem when the current year seems just like the last; losing track of where I am… it’s as if I’m not moving forward, even if I really am. And there’s nothing to say that I am at all, except in less than a month it’ll be 2007. And THAT is freaky.
So anyway, I’ve been keeping track of the best and worst years of my life, so let’s see… I’ll try to rank them all:
Worst 5:
1. 1998
2. 2000
3. 1996
4. 2002
5. 2001
Best 5:
1. 2004
2. 1999
3. 1995
4. 2005
5. 2006
Hmm… what was the point of that… I don’t know. Just an arbitrary ranking of numbers, maybe. Well, I’ve decided to take up a project–creating a website. On top of that, I’m going to have a history of my life, year by year. More for myself than anyone else; I just feel that I need to get that… perspective back. And what better to do it on than how I’ve come so far?
Yeah, I thought so. I’m totally out of my mind. And procrastinating studying for finals. Yep.
Oh well, for some reason, I can’t seem to sleep right now… even though I should, given that it’s 6:13 AM, and my first class starts in under 4 hours. It would appear that the world, in fact, did not freeze entirely when I stopped paying attention; I opened my Xanga subscriptions for the first time in nearly two months, and left a little bit more enlightened, reading the on-goings of friends far and near (more far than near–it would seem that most people with blogs that are updated often enough are all far away).
Sad, in a way; I feel so far behind, and yet, it’s refreshing. It’s inspiring! And ooh! What is this? LJ looks so different now… so many pleasant surprises…
…is it wrong for me to sound so giddy when I’m not?
I’m not, really. I just don’t remember how to be anything else online. And therein lies my greatest tragedy: the inability to let out the feelings trapped within. Grr… so frustrating…
…so terribly frustrating.
I started writing this entry with the intent of ending it with a goodbye–my last entry–a capstone to a flutter of a LJ career. But maybe I’ll give it another gasp of air–who knows… maybe it’ll be all it needs. I, on the other hand… need something else.
SONG! for I do not know how to embed it into an LJ. Sadly.