/*

This isn’t really an entry, but an open brainstorming session for an essay I intend to write, on the nature of humanity. I was really searching for the fundamental drive of human existence. I’m trying to answer why, at least from our end (for who knows what our purpose of creation really is?) we live the way we do.

As creatures of love, hate, jealousy, lonliness, beauty, uniqueness, selfishness and all other characteristics that define why we “are”. What do we want out of life? TO find true love, to leave a legacy, for power, for control, seeking knowledge (does knowledge seek you?), the meaning of validation, of understanding, serving God, etc…

Why are we wiling to “risk it all” for love or for anything? For anyone? Is it because “love” truly is insanity/selfishness/stupidity or is there a deeper drive? Can this mystery be analyzed, and still be true? Heh–I beleive so, then again, I was always the idealist; any other way wouldnt be mine.

Your opinions are appreciated–and I’ll move this to Angelex once it’s set up. A kind of Wiki-essay-project ya know?

OH and i learned an amazing fact yesterday: DID you know… that wiki- stands for “What I Know Is-?” lol–a perfect prefix for an open source project. But anyway, here is:

*/

public class WikiPurposeProject;
{
//Brainstorming
//Parameters – existence: the ultimate truth: everything that is, everything we feel, everything that has purpose
// curiosity: the drive to understand, component of existence
// metacognition: introspection for outward understanding
// love: just a title, to be constructed later
public static Essay Brainstorming(Object existence, Object curiosity, Object metacognition, String love)
{
// Lots of junk code
}

Brainstorming();

I’ve been having this great doubt lately that I may not be as mature as I had thought. Mature in ways that matter most to me. But first… a thought analysis:

What is the idea of “closeness?”

I’ve come to a conclusion on this before, but here I am, re-analyzing it all… As humans, we are above most animals in many resects, and unlike the Freudian concept of sex being the drive for everything we do, I beleive it’s closeness. Every interpersonal act we do is in search of that idea of connecting, of finding that intimacy can shared only by two people. That entire devotion of “soul” and the resulting belief that, yes, we are not alone in our personal world.

Some people come from strong families, where the idea of closeness is built through love and care, and growing up over the years, we accept with humility and utter gratefulness that these people are so close, that they are willing to devote their lives, and if need be, die for the sake of us. How closer can you get? This is the love of God right? Of parent to child; that kind of love is unique, and is there without doubt. This is love that is irreplaceable, for truly, who can you trust in this world with bonds worth more you’re your own life? Faith also brings this closeness, a God who understands you more that you yourself do; a God who means the best even when you can’t see it, or believe it. A young child’s trust in parents is as blind as trust in God. Love between parents is demonstrated, and a child can believe in that too. Then we realize that our parents are, like us, human, and once we can think for ourselves, we seek the knowledge of experience that they cannot bring.

There’s been a study that analyzes the changes in our contemporary family structures and the changing nature of faith… I’ll read into and analyze it later, but for now…

Perhaps this is why those struggling with parents are more inclined to find it in God, and this is safe. Then again, that’s expected of all parents, as says evolution.

Yet this is perhaps only the beginnings of our existence, not quite enough to last a lifetime. As a platform of understanding love and closeness, there are few alternatives. Some seek religion to find this bond, as love truly is, a feeling that you believe is shared. Many people do both, as I think I’ve tried to do.

There’s a different kind of bond between peers, with good reason: familial bonds alone aren’t enough to keep a species alive… we

I guess over the years of struggling with my parents and family, I’ve come to doubt

Some of us are. Throughout my childhood life of moving, literally, through communities (might as well be worlds), I’ve made many friends… about as many as I had “lost”. Embattled in a struggle of family.

}}

Okay, rapid fire thoughts again. Three sections with drastically different thoughts over the course of 6 hours…

At Nick’s house:

After Squishy:

Post Girl Next Door…:

~*~*~*~*~*~

Actually… nah~screw all the above. There’s too much going on, always to keep a record of the moments in life. I’m thinking back at the past four months–the end of one era, and the entirety of another (as the power of women seem to define our lives, no?), and it’s been so very much, I’ve gained an amazing Squishy friend (who is and shall likely continue to be a voice of wisdom), gone through my first official relationship, and from it all, received a strong push into a more balanced existence.

Where am I now? Like they say in quantum physics, you cannot possibly know the position and velocity of a quantum particle with accuracy, just one or the other. I think I know where I am, and I’ve accepted the facts and have been greeted with liberation, the question really should be “where am i going?”. That, my fellow reflectees, I cannot answer. But, if my life’s history has told me anything, it’ll be good if I let it be.

I read through a HUGE amount of my own entries (first time in a few months), and I was almost surprised at the changes I’ve gone through. It’s like I’d forgotten who I was… but like the quote goes… it’s okay to lose yourself, as long as you can get yourself back.

One day, I will lose my self in the moments… the right moment. At the right time. 🙂

~*~*~*~*~

KsQ