Year 2 – Chapter 4 – A Break in the Cycle

Let me note, that there are only two things on my mind this week:
Sq! and ECE 210 Exam 3. Yep. So it’s like this and .

A Break in the Cycle
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Yeah, so instead of playing Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, I’ve decided to write in my xanga. So addicted: I have three exams this coming week (ECE 210, ECE 290, and GE 101), and I’m not nearly ready for any of them. Man, but since getting this game Thursday, I’ve played about… 10 hours. Not much by gamer standards, but WAY too much for these times. It’s not even that *great* of a game; it’s like reading a book bout characters you don’t really care about. Ah, but my brother would be jealous–so as long as he doesn’t know, it’s coo~

But Oblivion, it has the most amazing visuals that I’ve EVER seen in a game:


A knight of some sort.

So things are kinda funky these days. Plans for the summer are near finalized: we get out of school sometime between 5/9-5/13 (I’ll find out soon); Study abroad in Beijing from 5/27 – 7/9, and a new addition, my first visit to Korea in 5 years from 7/9-7/21. So that’s pretty much half my summer decided already.

~*~

[UPDATED]

It’s kind of scary, thinking that half of college is over already… don’t you think? Things are different from freshman year, when everything was new, and anything was worth trying. This is year two, and college is as much home as anywhere else; I’ve actually stopped trying to avoid calling this pad my “home”, and I suppose, when you spend 9 out of 12 months here, it IS home.

I hate having regrets. As high school neared its end, a very rare once in a while, I’d look back at those four years and wish that I could do it over again. With senior year began a sharp upturn, and in the end, it proved to be amazing enough to salvage and take make the entire experience one of the best times of my life… and so quickly, it was over. I vowed to make every year thereafter better than the last. I think we all did.

And now we’re here. Livin’ it up, University style, year two. And how is it? I’m sure everyone’s experience is vastly different. For some, they dove deep into what they’ve been doing, and found out that they actually like it (Mr. Godbole for one); others have begun to reach beyond what they thought they were (Jon somehow thinks he’s a doctor now– ), I for one finally stopped changing majors every semester…

Haha, wow, what an unorganized stream of thoughts. To me, it feels as if the year is just beginning–at an upturn, once again, things hopeful.


21 Quad Leaving Allen Hall

More on that later…

Time to eat my ramen!

KsQ Unity!

April 11th, 2006

Okay, I really ought to be sleeping now, as I have to wake up in a few hours anyway. BUT, I have progress to report! I have just finished my P.O.S. story that was due two weeks ago (albiet with extension) that comes out to 14 single spaced pages. I have spent the past TWO weeks agonizing every day, as the prospect of writing this hung over my head, and now, FINALLY, it is finished!

I have thus resorted to celebrating, alone in my room, as certain Sq’s do not understand that Kqs tend to fluxuate between the rational and the spontaneous. Tis like the contrasts between Virgo and Gemini, which apparently rank as one of the most incompatible, due to their celestial “angles” being off by 90 degrees (four months out of 12 = 90/360, the angle for total destructive interference–though I always thought it was 180 degrees).

Alas, I have become more volitile, and whilst stability is what I long for, to combat this wacked up state of my life, I have resorted to the soothing bubbles for tonight. The bubbles are nice…

~*~

It’s time to change, throw out the books and start again
Break all the rules, fall on your face, don’t be ashamed
You can’t waste more time, ’cause you’ve been gone for far too long

What people “envy”

I’m beginning to think that I’m doing a lotta womany things; like filling out random quizzes below. But I’ve been procrastinating so muc that I’ve been running out of ways to be unproductive.

 

People Envy Your Ingenuity

Attitude, revisited.

I don’t know why I’m writing this now; there are so many things i should be doing besides blogging (ECE 210 hw, ECE 290 hw, the short story that’s due Thrusday morning, SLEEPING…), but for some reason, this lack of writing is bothering me. My inability to think is my motivation to write (I’m sure that makes sense in some twisted world).

You know what’s wrong with me? I haven’t had a *victory* in a LONG time.

Yes, I am a lot of talk; I have all this enthusiasm for action, I’m good enough with words to convince myself constantly that I WILL do some activty, or achieve some goal. And yet, I lack a certain amount of follow-through. It’s like my racq (my coined word for racketball) swings, when I never follow-through enough to ensure that the ball goes a certain direction (forward), or the leftover food on my tray that I always felt like I could eat in the beginning.

It’s not that my goals aren’t realistic, is it? I see a pattern in my behavior–a cycle of enthusiasm where I’ll make some big resolution or goal, and get excited at the idea long enough to come up with a plan of action, and then… mysterously, there will be a slow decline in effort, interest, until one day, it’s completely forgotten, swamped up behind some other big goal.

Maybe I just try to bite more than I can swallow. Or maybe it’s just that I’m too lazy to chew. Either way, right?

In any case… something needs to change. I can’t keep saying that I’m going ot gain 15 lbs by Thanksgiving–oops–Winter Vacation–opps–Spring Break–oops… summer…. At this rate, “tomorrow” will never be “today”.

I think that’s another issue; I’ve become too complacent with compromising; you do it once… and it gets easier, and easier to do it again. And seriously, enough is enough. When I’m accountable to just to myself, meh–I have just my conscience to deal with. But when I’m making myself accountable to others… there’s no excuse for consistent failure. And a compromising, carelessly failing me is NOT the image that I want to convey, or a character trait that I’d like to hold onto.

It all comes down to my attitude… optimism = good. Complacency = no. Not at all. It’s time for action. It’s time to get back on track… IT IS TIME FOR A VICTORY.

~*~

That said…
I’m getting less and less enthused for my trip to China. I don’t know, I kind of want to just relax at home this time… or even get some internship position close to home; working with artificial intelligence (hehe), or even the nature of learning… something more than just hedonistic adventure in the name of cultural exploration. I mean… come on… what could this trip accomplish? Well… I guess I’ll be able to visit Korea for the first time in 5 years…

Oh man Alex… whatever are you gonna do…?

~*~

Someone tell my why I’m SO not worried about the hw that’s due today… or the story that’s due tomorrow… or the exam that’s this coming Tuesday… or the fact that I might be changing majors yet again…? Bah. Stress overload.

Oh yeah, and here’s a quote that I thougt was… was… well, that made me happier.

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either,and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to him and give him the most you can. He’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you part of him that he knows you can break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him. Don’t expect more than he can give. Smile when he makes you happy. Yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had.”

Oh “love”. It’s a tough business when you’re not out to win.

Well. All I can say is, VICTORY TO THE WHITE KNIGHTS!