Category: musings

Biannual thoughts on life

by skyrien

Do you think it’s possible to live for years, living somewhere else, doing something else, being someone else, than who you were meant to be. What does it mean when you surround yourself in a reality as real as any, yet completely different from all the other choices in your life? As I’ve gone along the various branches of my life, I’ve occasionally wondered how different things would have been had I made some different choices in life; in some other parallel timeline, I might not be in my little Seattle apartment (which is becoming to feel more and more like home every day/week/month that goes by), and instead… instead what?

Is there a point to think of any of these alternate paths? There are so many tiny choices I make every day that have the potential to make far-reaching changes in my life: I could’ve gone a little slower that night, and maybe avoided that nasty indestructible pole; I could’ve been in a different mood the moment I made the decision to come out West; and things would’ve been a world away from what they are.

Meh, I think I’m just in a thinking mode again. I do this every couple years; fall into a metacognitive frenzy, and completely rethink my life and why I’m living and thinking the way I am. In doing so, I’ll wonder if the world I’m in now is the one I want to be in the next couple years. Haha, if this was college, it might be when I’d consider changing my major . I’m not a freshman in college, I’m a freshman in the working world; the “MSFT Starting Class of 9/2/2008”, and I’ve just started my second semester (or should I do quarters?). Whatever the past 4 months have been, it’s a beautiful time to start again, and, that is a great time to reaffirm what I’ve been doing so far.

In the end, I can’t answer the question I started this entry with, but in another “semester” I think I will be able to. Knowing me, after a phase like this, I know I’ll reaffirm what’s important to me, and realize and remember for the next 2 years that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. And that reason may be to ultimately be here, or maybe just to learn from the experience and to go home … wherever “home” may be.

Life is beautiful, and like Frost told me on a pillow once, if there’s anything I’ve learned, is that “It goes on…”

Oh, happy 2009! This is the year of the Ox! Fellow Oxen (1985 people!), this is our year! It’s time to show this world what we’re all about!

New beginnings.

by skyrien

Every now and then, you need to sit down, free your mind of your current mood, and get ready for a new age. For me, now is one of those times. One month before the biggest most exciting change of my life, transitioning from a child still dependent on my parents’ allowance, to completely taking care of myself–in a new city, new position, with new surroundings.

Yes, I’m excited. Yes, I’m a little anxious. But hell yes, I’m ready for a new beginning.

College was great, I met awesome people, learned an amazing amount of stuff that I was barely aware of beforehand, but also to never confuse my career with my life. Moderation is everything; that’s one of the wise words that Beckman left behind, and something that I still have yet to fully learn. The great balancing act continues…

New beginnings are a great moment to renew yourself, but I’m still not perfect, going into this next step. I go into this next step with a partially undefined future–but like my weaknesses, this also presents a strength: Anything is possible.

Onward! New blog, new beginnings!

Purpose in an unguided world

by skyrien

There comes a time when each person is forced to consider their life’s destiny; their story, if you will. Those with lost hopes on the street were not always so, yet at some point, they transitioned from being people with hopes and dreams to adults, where living day-to-day has replaced any sort of adventure.

It is a terrible transition and one that I am refusing to ever fall into. But of course, no one ever *wants* to become a hopeless wretch without dreams or purpose; where happiness is a transient whim that can come and go without control. How does it happen then, that so many people live having settled for mediocrity, not in jobs or love… but in their lives, entirely?

At what point do we give up on the hope of happiness, and meaning? I don’t know… but I’ve always been afraid of giving up on dreams. THis leads me to ask myself again, just to be sure that I haven’t lost mine… what “is” my end?

Am I meant to be happy? Successful? Purposeful in this greater world? Impacting the lives of those closest to me; or will my greatest impact be to those that I have never met?

I’ve met so many people that are jaded in their views, those that have had a brutal transition from childhood naivety into adulthood realism. It’s a terrible shame, and I’m beginning to wonder if there is any real hope in letting them find their dreams again. And more importantly, to accept happiness when it comes knocking at their door. This is a sad world right now… and I’m taking this moment now to wonder what I can do to make the lives of those closest to me, a little better.