Do you think it’s possible to live for years, living somewhere else, doing something else, being someone else, than who you were meant to be. What does it mean when you surround yourself in a reality as real as any, yet completely different from all the other choices in your life? As I’ve gone along the various branches of my life, I’ve occasionally wondered how different things would have been had I made some different choices in life; in some other parallel timeline, I might not be in my little Seattle apartment (which is becoming to feel more and more like home every day/week/month that goes by), and instead… instead what?
Is there a point to think of any of these alternate paths? There are so many tiny choices I make every day that have the potential to make far-reaching changes in my life: I could’ve gone a little slower that night, and maybe avoided that nasty indestructible pole; I could’ve been in a different mood the moment I made the decision to come out West; and things would’ve been a world away from what they are.
Meh, I think I’m just in a thinking mode again. I do this every couple years; fall into a metacognitive frenzy, and completely rethink my life and why I’m living and thinking the way I am. In doing so, I’ll wonder if the world I’m in now is the one I want to be in the next couple years. Haha, if this was college, it might be when I’d consider changing my major . I’m not a freshman in college, I’m a freshman in the working world; the “MSFT Starting Class of 9/2/2008”, and I’ve just started my second semester (or should I do quarters?). Whatever the past 4 months have been, it’s a beautiful time to start again, and, that is a great time to reaffirm what I’ve been doing so far.
In the end, I can’t answer the question I started this entry with, but in another “semester” I think I will be able to. Knowing me, after a phase like this, I know I’ll reaffirm what’s important to me, and realize and remember for the next 2 years that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. And that reason may be to ultimately be here, or maybe just to learn from the experience and to go home … wherever “home” may be.
Life is beautiful, and like Frost told me on a pillow once, if there’s anything I’ve learned, is that “It goes on…”
Oh, happy 2009! This is the year of the Ox! Fellow Oxen (1985 people!), this is our year! It’s time to show this world what we’re all about!