Category: musings

Finishing strong

by skyrien

As always, the year is beginning to get into high gear as it approaches the end, but it’s prime time for a little reflection. It’s a scary thought, about how the first year of my college experience is so close to finished. How would I define it? (and yes, I realize that it’s a NU transfer app essay which I won’t be writing )

It’s been so very much that it’s a wonder how fast the years are going by. But if there’s anything that brings me confort, it’s that since I dedicated every year has  been better than the last. Better how? I define good as being meaningful. Meaningful is defined as being memorable. And yes, the past year has been one of the most memorable years of my life. Also probably one of the best chronicled as well; with thousands of digital photos, hours of digital video, and hundreds of thousands of words (digital and on paper) of reflecting in so many
different places (and not always as myself~reflecting as Squishy or NG has been fun). But have I lived it?

I think it’s pretty self-evident that yes, my life hasn’t been a spectator sport this year, with new experiences and inner growth dominating a large portion of my memory. A dear friend says that I’ve changed… and yeah, I probably have, not quite as much as she may have feared, but enough to register though the looking glass. I’ve been very vague yes… I suppose that’s just how I write, since its mostly for myself, I don’t need to elaborate too much.

But there’s a few things that I shall bring up to point. I think I’ve become more… balanced this past year. Maybe I’m maturing (finally! ) or maybe my circumstances have become more closer to “normal”, but… things have gotten to be quite under my control..

[SHALL FINISH LATER!]

***

So for those of you who’ve been to my room, you’ve probably seen the Great Wall of Literature. And I’m proud to introduce the newest addition to the wall, The Holy Umbrella!


The quote on the bottom left: “Man has no nobler function than to defend the truth”… neither do umbrellas.

Haha—I won the umbrella at China Night here in FAR (a cultural night with free food + Kung Fu Hustle–hilarious movie!) when they asked for
the meaning of  xiè xiè But anyway… it was a test to the floor, to see how long they would let an umbrella stay up in the middle of the hallway. Some said two days, others said four. Still some said just one inebriated night will be the death of it! I said a week…


Four days so far! Going good so far!

So what’s been up lately? The typical question I ask myself when begining to reflect. Oh, a couple days ago, I was talking to Mr. Shih, and he mentioned that “Northwestern was a bit rowdy for him”–haha–and I thought ‘I wonder how he’d take a night at the U of I!’ Of course it’s not as simple as that–every school has its hot spots–but I thought it was funny nonetheless.

***
Blah, so this has been my pointless post. But I think I’m sick so it’s okay…

 

24

by skyrien

Twenty Four is such an amazing series! I don’t think any T.V. series has gripped me so strongly as this in this decade so far–in fact, I haven’t even watched a lot of TV for the last… three years?

Because it’s so good! Granted, it’s not the most realistic series in existence. But it’s fiction nature, like any good series, explores very real questions, and does it with style. The nature of morality, the duality of the value of human life, how knowledge of death changes things… and facing the grim reality when we least want to. The series isn’t “raw” (like many films/books/games that explores questions such as these), which I appreciate and I think, adds to its believability. Plus it’s sheer suspenseful force. Haha–of course, the novelty of a “real-time” series has indeed taken the backseat of all that makes 24 special.

Haha–I’m so glad I came across 24 (now have the entire first three seasons–if you want, ask ), it’s always something to do whenever there’s 44 minutes of free time. I’ve managed to convert a few into the fanship of 24, and am redoubling my efforts, but let me warn you, you MUST watch it from the beginning! Plus, the soundtrack is awesome!

Become a fan! Catch up, and join our 24 parties! You know you want to…

The Skyrien-superiority-complex

by skyrien

Some more introspective reflection?

I think I’ve become judgmental again. Yeah, this sucks. I have a problem, which I would like to call the Skyrien-Superiority-Complex. I’ve noticed that I’ve started pitying people again. Pity is stupid, it’s a lack of compassion and an acknowledgement personal selfishness–saying that, wow, it sucks to be you. I’m glad I’m not like that. It’s a weakness (not the way that Ayn Rand might have envisioned but), I admit, a piece of a greater personal weakness: that I so easily accept the conclusion of superiority, for the most part, to make myself feel better. Or as Squishy would say, the illusion of power. Not to say that I’m specifically weak outside, but inside, I think humility has lost its force within myself.

Or maybe it’s my over-introspection that’s a weakness. Who knows… I’m moving this reflection to Live Journal… more suitable for the content that I write there…

–There we go, now I can rant in circles once more… if I wasn’t so tired.

So let’s think about what’s been bothering me lately… I suppose I’ve been questioning a few obvious–(sorry, too busy laughing at Anu’s dance pictures)–anyway… er… hmm… yeah, anyway… Uh… so yeah… lol! Aren’t I good at avoiding sensitive topics?! Yep! I thought so too! Haha… but no, the fact is, there’s nothign that can be determined by introspection alone.

Ooh, but what if we could? During by rapid religious exploration through the end of junior year and the beginning of senior year, the spiritual world seemed to move by so fast–catalyzed by Teen Camp, it seemed that revolutionary things were happening in my mind. Never before had I experienced such a spiritual overflow, and a sweeping sense of change inside. Kind of what punctuated equilibria seems to be, but on a personal level. The talks I had with some friends seemed life determining, but even more so–discussions of the meaning of life quickly led to conclusions about the ultimate significance of “living with purpose” and the fact that we ARE regardless of our awareness of said “purpose.” Haha–it got me thinking though, what if somehow through this debate, we decided that life itself was meaningless? That’s not the conclusion that we reached, but it’s shocking how just talk, introspection, and reading can influence what you see “life” itself as being. And when you start to talk about the meaning of life, you’re already thinking outside of its reference frame. Let’s say that some crazy philosopher with a infinite faith in mathematics and conventional logic somehow connects life itself as being evil. Then what?

From a more conventional perspective Skynet destroyed humanity because it computed that we were indeed harmful to ourselves (haha–I suppose that’s not quite conventional, but that’s why I love sci-fi). Is it possible to conclude something so determining alone? What if they did? What if they had the power (like Skynet) Just a thought…

This idea of “power” I think is very interesting. Ayn Rand apparently believed that “to pity” was evidence of weakness because it causes us to act on behalf of another, thus we are “being controled”. I don’t think so. And of couse there’s one of my most favorite thoughts by Goethe: “Those most hopelessly enslaved are those who falsely believe they are free.” It’s so true though. So this “freedom” is power, and those who believe themselves powerful are most prone to losing it. (is that a safe analysis?) So the moral of this train of thought… don’t get ahead of yourself. Power defines itself.

***

I suppose when it come down to it–haha–I sound so conventional–it’s a matter of committment, which in fact, matters a great deal (in spite of what my defense mechanism armed mind might have said before). And trust, and sincerity. Such questions, only answered in time… which runs short…