There is a certain level of irony to this world… something that I will never comprehend. Yet, what never ceases amaze me is when things
seem so incredibly sensitive and convoluted but with just a simple show of honesty, or even a very candid conversation can bring things back to managable levels. Thank GOD for true friends!

…and I’m back home again… its 4th weekend straight not spent at my own school. I’d write more, but I need to be physically ready for tomorrow, so I’ll sleep. But here’s something I wrote a couple days ago… and still applies now…

February 17th, 2005

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03:32 am – Busy I’ve been so busy lately, being really productive and getting so much work done. It seems like every hour of my life is scheduled to do something, be it classes, meals, meetings, even leisure time; it’s crazy how organized my (ideal) life seems to be becoming. Of course I don’t quite follow what I’ve assigned for myself, with ditching classes, skipping meals, and arriving late to meetings becoming equally as much a part of my routine. But, I’ve been surviving, thriving even. I feel like an engineer already, making the most “efficient” use of the limited time that I have. It seems all good… but something’s missing. As far back as I can remember, appreciated disorganization. Take one look at my room at home, and you’ll see the degree of how much I leave nature and my own tendencies to let things become what they’re meant to be. Even with my time, my ideal life would be to have enough free time to do whatever I feel I want, whenever. I think that’s somehow what attracted me to the English/Rhetoric major in the first place, being able (or not) to depend on the whims of creativity, and the chances upon my experience to be my main life’s drive. Yet, I knew I could do so much more, and slowly, I’m becoming a more perfect engine set for production. I’ve set my direction for now, but now I’m beginning to wonder where I’m headed. And of course, I’m wondering this once again as I was lying in bed, about to fall asleep. I miss… ah… the old adventure…

I haven’t spent a weekend at school since the beginning of the year. It would almost be sad, but every time, the trips have so amazingly been worth it!

Most of which was the latest! NCHS Winter was an AWESOME dance~! NG has random photos including a few defiling ones on her xanga—me being too lazy to put up my own. I wonder how long I can keep going to high school dances—there’s something about ‘em though that college dances lack. Maybe it’s all the preparation, the ritual trading of flowers, passing of decorated hallways, waiting lines for photos, and of course the sheer innocuous dancing (lol—not for everyone though), and then the supervising adults, keeping an eye out for over-zealous couples… the fantasy themes, and everything else. It’s like being in a story… not entirely real. Still, it’s a feeling that I miss from the pre-college life. Fun times~

Haha, or maybe its just me~

I’d like to write a LONG entry about the U of I, and all it’s glory–because my respect for the school has gone up the whole time I was here. But… I’ll sve that for another day. College is FUNKY!

And I thought ditching class HS-senior year was easy… this semester alone, I’ve missed almost 20 classes… and it’s only been 4 weeks! I pledged no more than 40 classes ditched this semester, better step up with that.

But today is a special day! I got mail for the first time in weeks!!!!!! (OOH, except on Valentine’s day, I got a big box in the mail from my church, filled with the most random goodies: chips, crackers, gum, toothbrush, pencils, pens, tissues, microwavable popcorn, chapstick, ramen… etc… it was very nice to know that mommies back home care )

Email may be of convenience, but there’s nothing like a bonafide from USPS envelope, with a handwritten name and address on it. Nope. Nothing. Look at the paper, feel it! and you know that the sender touched it too… some metaphysical connection i suppose.

Look! It’s REAL! *Thanks 婷婷!! smiles for the rest of the day*

And the card from this crazy girl made my day :

mMm… there is another thing too, that I am infinitely thankful for–

I was casually studying econ last night… thinking… yay… no homework, no tests to study for… even thinking of sleeping early for once… and then, the Mike, whos in my math class randomly comes by to ask… “hey do you know if the midterm is in class tomorrow or after?”

…and THEN I ended up sleeping at 4 AM looking over my math homework, and reviewing. It scares me to imagine what might have happened if he didn’t come by that night. Not only was not I not prepared, but MVC is a class i ditch on a regular basis (im sorry, lecture just doesn’t help at all)… being worth 20% of our grade… I would have been screwed beyond belief. Thank GOD for mike… I owe him bigtime…

Uh… I suppose that’s a general update on Xanga…
(I’m getting waaaaaaaay to public~)

Ahh!!! I can’t wait till valentine’s day!! Why you ask? Hehe–while some ppl can’t wait for the sappy themes of V-Day, I have only ONE thing on my mind…

Last year, for Lent, I gave up one of the cloest loves of my life… no it wasn’t my love and companion (Tauri ), nor was it anything typical… it was… CHERRY COKE! For those that don’t know me from last year, I suffered from an acute addiction to Coke Cola (pepsi sucks!)…

I had so much coke (upwards fo 6 cans a day) that I built a spiring tower on my desk:

Beautiful no?

But… I did what everyone thought was the impossible, and on Valentine’s day (partially inspired by Beverly’s one soda a year plan– that’s just crazy )… at Noodles in Bolingbrook with Kalishma~Cherry Coke became a part of my past.

Granted, i did switch over to Mountain Dew… Easter came and went, and i thought… eh… why not keep it up? I decided a YEAR could be a bold goal… and up until this day, I have not touched a DROP of coke, pepsi, or any other caramel colored carbonated beverage.

About 10 months through, on New Years Eve when Felix brought a SPECIAL EDITION of SPICED Coke to James’ house (i dont even know what that is), I had a HUGE craving… the flavor began to fill my mind and my mouth began to water. I almost gave in…

Yet I stood strong, in face of the greatest internal pressure… I said no! and walked to the other corner of the house while others enjoyed the fascinating beverage. I left saddened, as the opportunity was lost. The cravings went away that night, perhaps forever. I dont even remember what coke tastes like now…

But Valentine’s day now approaches once again… my committment nears its natural end. What now?

Help!!! What to do??