Category: life

Believing destiny

by xela

I suppose I’m quite amused lately. It’s May, classes are over, the year is winding down, semi-watching Love Actually (amazing movie!), and I’m sitting around as doing nothing in particular. It’s a nice feeling :-), in spite of all there is to worry about, to not really worry, and be content with the way things are.

Don’t you love happy endings? I mean, there is the appeal of the truly satisfying bittersweet ending along the lines of Troy, or Gladiator, which is so much more like real life, but is there anything that can lift your spirits like the purely happy endings where everything works out in the end? Once in a while, that’s exactly what you need.

Yeah…

Okay, so maybe I’m not so content. I normally do love the bittersweet ever much more than just happy–maybe beacuse its the truth of our lives. Haha–lol, I love being vague way too damn much, but it’s okay; my mind is a storm on its own, ever chaotic, but with some mysterous order on a scale a bit larger than I can keep track of. It’s 3 in the morning, and chaos, feels, so, comfortable…

After all, satifaction from the meaningless can only bring so much “happiness”. I think I really am just lacking meaning in my life again. Heh… so we look towards these stories for meaning.

So what am I looking for?

“I should have told her every day, because she was perfect every day.”

Is love actually, everywhere? Heh… who knows? With so much hinging on time, moment, circumstance, chance… But destiny will bring together everything that needs to be. Right? 🙂 Of course

Hehe–another rambling entry in the books~

Anti-Stalking Javascript

by skyrien

Things have been rather complicated again. This happens on such a regular basis… I think it has something to do with the moon cycle.

Other than that… I’ve found a most useful tool, the Xanga anti-stalker module! For those who don’t know, it’s a small javascript based tool that tracks all the people that’ve been to my Xanga. I’ve been using it the past month, and it’s given me some rather interesting results. Here’s the top ten (known) list:

[ Skyrien’s Stalkers]

(Rank.) Name

Well, this has been an eventful week

by skyrien

Wow, I can’t seem to write at all. Let’s just say… that I’ve been avoiding the topics that bother me most. I’ve been running away from the things I know I must face before I can move forward. Do I want to move forward? Yes… I just haven’t been doing it lately.

I actually think that in many ways, I’ve been moving in a lot of directions lately, pushed from the powers within and pulled from those outside forces. And for the most part, I’ve gone with the flow.

And look where it’s brought me. Why is it that life as-it-is feels so artificially natural? I *could* choose not to care that things are bothering me inside, I *could* go on like this as if my world was at peace with itself.


As if God wasn’t watching…

But I’m not bothered so much with the waves above as I am about the rolling currents below. A year ago, perhaps, I have no doubt that things would have been different. I would have been sure of the choices made before actions were taken. But like I said, this has been a year of experiences and this is unknown territory. And I’ll admit, my first thought upon deep reflection is to run. To run to safety, to a realm where the risk is less my own, and the cost paid by someone else. To a place of mind where things are decided before they are, and the right choices are the ones already made. Theory rules here, as does the abstract. Things are so much simpler when right and wrong can be black and white, and the rightest decisions are those that get the most followers. Yes, I could, but now that I think about it, I don’t like that at all. There are issues yes, but this isn’t a matter of running or staying…

Eh… enough ambiguity, I think it’s about time for some serious reflection… you know where to find me. (And Tingting, if you’re reading this, I’d like to talk sometime…)