So there’s one week of break left… and in the oddest way, I feel almost like it’s just starting. Of course, I have the usual fear that the longer this break lasts, the more time I’ll waste, but I’ve dedicated myself to preventing that from happening, so maybe that won’t happen (again). But I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to make my own hours for work (selling knives and otherwise).

Anyway, seeing as how it’s been what… nearly a month since I made a real entry, I think now’s the time to make a short recap on my life.

Vector Marketting
I started my FIRST “job” this winter break, working in sales (of all places). Honestly, I never thouht I’d be working in sales, but it wasn’t that bad at all. Work consisted of training, calling people up, presenting Cutco products to families, and writing up orders. At a base-pay rate of $17.25, it was decent work. And for those that doubted that I would sell anything, over the first 10 days (of working maybe 3-4 hours a day), I sold $2,350 worth of Cutco! So eat that! Earning money is nice, even if it’s barely any at all, and it does put the value of money into perspective.

Northwestern Visit!

My first visit in nearly 7 months, it was like… seeing an old home. Everything was familiar, the buildings, the people, the food, even the atmosphere. Last year, I spent so much time there, and now… it’s still the same, with an air of nostalgia instead of hope and excitement.

Finally, the memes! It would seem like no one wants to wrestle in any flavor of jello, which is perfectly fine by me. I can’t stand having being in contact with sticky foods anyway. In order of commenting:

1. Shaneal
2. Good Will Hunting – such genius, so underapplied!
3. [color] – Brown. Eh what can I say, you always talk about brown desi folks.
4. [meme 1] We ARE the true knights! (okay maybe a few ppl know of this)
5.
At some italian place, Vicki introduced me to you and your brother. We
talked about the BPA (?), and I said something about Science Bowl
6. Wolf; bigger than a fox. loyal to fellow brethen, and true blood
7. If you could dye your hair any color…?

1. Jon!
2.  Kepano Green – Promise
3. The kind of blue that looks almost like a hazy midmorning gray in front of a magnificantly blue sky
4. Jon, online when you’re deep in thought, you know exactly how to word the most compelling ideas.
5. Wow… I actually don’t remember as *first* memory. Scholastic bowl maybe?
6. A raccoon!
7. i wonder what your heaven looks like…

1. LAURES!
2. The Coca Cola theme song – don’t ask why…
3. Amber. And white. And Harvard’s maroon of course.
4. a good lookin’ harvard boy? what’s not to like?

5. Prom 2005

6. turkey – a big one!

7. what are you like when in a bad mood?

1. nora!
2. Vanessa Carlton – Where the Streets have No Name (also a U2 song!)
3. Silver and black — something about your old xanga maybe…
4. you’re seem pretty confident and sure of yourself; without being cocky– that is an achievement
5. science olympiad related event, im sure. Or was it scholastic bowl???

6. you, nora, are an owl !

7. Nora, sometimes i wonder… why so bitter?

1. Diana
2. B*witched – blame it on the weatherman

3. Light Violet

4. Di, you’re easy to talk to, and always “chill” <–my new favorite attitude props to you!

5. hmm… some lunch table through our 4 years in high school.

6. Diana, you are a marshmellow, esp. with your pink jacket. not an animal? well… it is now
7. whats your favorite color? lol–i dunno… this question is hard!

1. chris
2. Chrono Cross – That one song which was on your xanga–it’s been associated with you
3. electronic green.

4. Chris… you are intriguing. And that is all.

5. i knew you from jon shih… and then met for the first time at scioly regionals 2004

6. hedgehog, a suit of unwelcoming armor; protecting tasty meat

7. so what do you do after the whole world and every soul minus one is
under (knowingly or not) your control? what are you looking for?

1. joyce!
2. goo goo dolls – better days;
3. white. also, slytherin-ish green and silver

4. “is your wallet made of leather?”

5. ng’s party over summer, where you looked nearly as bored as i was (j/k ng, if you’re reading!)

6. Peregrine falcon !
7. after understanding the past, accepting the present… then what?
also, how do you best let yourself be bored without going insane?

1. P-la!

2. Superman by Five for Fighting

3. yellow. like the smiley faces. like the USA shirt i got on my birthday. like old cheddar cheese

4. strawberries!

5. I was waiting for my parents to pick me up from school, and randomly: “Hey! You’re on my bus!”

6. hmm… a goldfish?
7. Pla, you are also chill, and win my “chill-ness” award. How do you be so chill?

1. Ashley 🙂

2. The Sesame Street intro
3. Tan. like the Pyramids of Egypt
4. Quite thoughtful ashley, quite.
5. Looking for your locker that day 2 years ago, and actually finding you there.
6. Panda–calm looking but kinda fierce when they need to be
7. How long is your hair now?

1. cathaka
2. “I try to be strong for her, I try not to be wrong for her…” Gifts and Curses — like all the greatest things in life
3. A deep iridescent red

4. “There IS a lovebug!”

5. The same day I met shaneal, i was introduced to this other captain of the NCHS debate team

6. you are an emperor penguin! a special emperor penguin
7. what if you were wrong?

1. Linda
2. The Husky Song (any and all marching band songs)…
3. Ivory
4. you’re not afraid to speak your mind, even though you always ask
5. Randomly, introduced to our table by sherry
6. Baby Beluga!
7. What’s your take on life?

Chapter 2 – Always Winter, Never Christmas

It feels weird continuing this little series; I feel almost like I’m writing for a totally new random readership, completely changed, at least since those last year. But this is my life, as it is made public, so here we go.

It’s break again, except it doesn’t quite feel like it. I’ve been constantly active, averaging about 6 hours of sleep a night. Instead of the sleep I thought I would be getting, I’ve been out doing various random things, which I will list here:

1. Fun at Dave’s
2. Driving friends and family to and from the airport (at 5 in the morning!!)
3. Applying to jobs–now that I can finally work!
4. Working out–well, sorta…
5. Visiting peeps

None of which involve time at home. I miss last year, last winter in particular when things seemed so clear and so great. College life, and everything that comes with it, along with other struggles have eaten away my soul, but hey, I guess that’s part of life’s learning experience. I haven’t spent much time with my family, but I’m trying. Reading LilChina86’s xanga entry is a reminder to how much *more* I can do, especially with the family that I depend on so much, and am so far from already. Like Yonadan said today, you’re only given one blood family. Sq has done her share of reminding me of my irresponsibilities at home (which, I must thank), so this break, I make a vow to rebuild my relationships at home, and hopefully, that will begin to bring balance back into my life. I’ve been on a path to becoming more and more ungrounded this past semester, less and less independent, as I became more and more run by things not under my control. I think it’s an understatement to say that things have been kinda tough–but now it’s time to do something about it.

With family, it’ll start with little things. I took my brothers to a movie (King Kong) a couple days ago; great effects, but damn… it was SO long, and SO boring! It was fun, I got to chat with the little ones about it a little (well, ok fine, barely at all, but it’s a start).

Speaking of tough… my grades this semester are absolutely abysmal. After two semesters of going up (is it bragging to say that I was shooting for a 3.9 cumulative?), my GPA plane slammed to the ground this semester; after missing 81 classes, not doing homework, not studying for exams, I got my first C+ in a class, and a some Bs, and fewer As. Yes, I’m admitting it here: I was an ungrounded academic idiot this semester. Meh, like I said in the previous entry, I got what i deserved. Not that it makes me feel any better. The previous two semesters help bear the blow, but wow… this was unnecessary, and I failed to learn my lessons in time, especially in a class that’s supposed to be THE class (organic chemistry) that teaches you the importance of studying hard. So that sucked… but yeah… back to business next semester.

Anyway… I think I’ve changed a lot since the last time I really reflected. Since I really looked at myself and wondered “who I was”. Xushu’s meme response is telling me something: since that impression years ago, I’ve become a bit more negative, more critical, more moody, and loaded with more… immature-ness. I guess that’s the best word. *Sigh… I still need to work on that. Too often will I go for the quickest path to what I want, instead of the path that I know will get me there. I lack patience to *wait* things out when I should, the insecurity to just… be “chill” when that’s the best response. That’s going to be my goal for this winter break: to develop a professional sense of “chillness” to life. Cool isn’t good enough; cool is a teenage virtue.

Being 20 now, I think it’s time I grew out of that. “Chill” invovles an emotional maturity, a tinge of detatchment, and a LOT more patience than I have now; all stuff I lack, and everything I need to take my steps forward. This semester was a HOT one, fiery (feary!!) in every way, and there was not a hint of “chill” in me. But whatever, in spite of all the shortcomings, there were some truly great times that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life. It’s just time to reclaim everything that the university experience is supposed to be, and get back on the path of growth. GPA too! No regrets! There IS life after orgo, and TAM, and bio… for me it happens to be ECE, ECE, ECE, MCB, MCB, CS, and GE.

Am I gonna rock? Yooou betcha~! At least, relative to this semester anyway… bleh.

Enough writing. Anyway, I just realized that I’m supposed to have posted two more memes, as online blog law dictates, so here.. I’m pretty sure they were called memes (a Greek term; thanks Sq!). This’ll be interesting… I’ll post my replies to my next entry.

Oh, and happy holidays btw.

WHICH MEME DO YOU WANT ME TO DO OF YOU?
Pick one, I don’t care which (or both if you want, or none)

Meme #1
1. Comment with your name and I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I’ll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written. Don’t hate, promulgate

Meme #2
Leave your name and….
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a color that associates with you.
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.

Chapter 1 – Being Perfect. Again.

So I’ve learned today, that sometimes 24 hours isn’t enough to cram everything you need to know for a final. I also discovered that sometimes, no matter how prepared you might think you are in your mind, practice can make all the difference (tetrahedral cyanide rings and epoxides can to hell).

I’ve also realized that… I’m getting what I deserved. Sometimes, even for me, luck isn’t always on my side (and for some evil games, like rock/paper/scissors, it just never is), and that yeah, sheer determination alone can’t get past 81 missed classes a semester.

Eighty one. That’s a new record. After two semesters of rising grades, it looks like it’s gonna crash this time. Meh. I figured. Well, at least I’ve learned that I’m not academically immortal. Orgo kicked my lazy, class ditching, nap-and-miss-homework-deadlines, screw-studying-cuz-squishy-wants-to-play, im too tired to work hard, i dont know how to work hard’s ARSE–bigtime. As did the entire semester. Organic was supposed to be the class that finally breaks it to you that you NEED to work hard in college. Uh huh. Silly, retarded, dumbshit, me. Yeah, I knew it was coming; I just figured (futilely hoped) that I’d be able to pull out of this downward spiral in time. But alas…

So anyway. Enough self-condescention. What’s good? What’s up? This semester is all about over. Two more days and my last final is over. Done with. Had. It’s so hard to believe. Somehow, the weeks and months actually blended together, the days and nights went by and with little warning, it’s suddenly, all over. Kinda crazy, we’re almost halfway done with college, and where do I find myself?

Lost all over again, expanding majors, taking too many classes, and getting buried in the deluge of my insane life. Life *is* of course, always
insane. And now that it’s almost over, I can finally look back… and understand what it has all been. A series of mistakes, blunders, and
stupid decisions that I’ll never be able to take back. Heh, but it’s okay! Because in the great scheme of life, these educational errors
will serve ME well.

Hmm…

But ya know, it’s not that bad… okay fine it is. Everything about this semester left much to be desired. But that’s it–so I take this as a lesson brought full circle. Last year, I was shown how amazing school could be; how I must always have hope, always expect to prevail; like beginner’s luck, I suppose. This year, everything sucks… but after the previous one, I know how good life can be. SO…

So… my decision for the day, and the coming new year:

I’m going to BE PERFECT, again. If not by luck, then by working my ass off, because, luck or not, I refuse to lose.