Xander’s College Life Year 2 – Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Always Winter, Never Christmas

It feels weird continuing this little series; I feel almost like I’m writing for a totally new random readership, completely changed, at least since those last year. But this is my life, as it is made public, so here we go.

It’s break again, except it doesn’t quite feel like it. I’ve been constantly active, averaging about 6 hours of sleep a night. Instead of the sleep I thought I would be getting, I’ve been out doing various random things, which I will list here:

  1. Fun at Dave’s
  2. Driving friends and family to and from the airport (at 5 in the morning!!)
  3. Applying to jobs–now that I can finally work!
  4. Working out–well, sorta…
  5. Visiting peeps

None of which involve time at home. I miss last year, last winter in particular when things seemed so clear and so great. College life, and everything that comes with it, along with other struggles have eaten away my soul, but hey, I guess that’s part of life’s learning experience. I haven’t spent much time with my family, but I’m trying. Reading LilChina86’s xanga entry is a reminder to how much *more* I can do, especially with the family that I depend on so much, and am so far from already. Like Yonadan said today, you’re only given one blood family. Sq has done her share of reminding me of my irresponsibilities at home (which, I must thank), so this break, I make a vow to rebuild my relationships at home, and hopefully, that will begin to bring balance back into my life. I’ve been on a path to becoming more and more ungrounded this past semester, less and less independent, as I became more and more run by things not under my control. I think it’s an understatement to say that things have been kinda tough–but now it’s time to do something about it.

With family, it’ll start with little things. I took my brothers to a movie (King Kong) a couple days ago; great effects, but damn… it was SO long, and SO boring! It was fun, I got to chat with the little ones about it a little (well, ok fine, barely at all, but it’s a start).

Speaking of tough… my grades this semester are absolutely abysmal. After two semesters of going up (is it bragging to say that I was shooting for a 3.9 cumulative?), my GPA plane slammed to the ground this semester; after missing 81 classes, not doing homework, not studying for exams, I got my first C+ in a class, and a some Bs, and fewer As. Yes, I’m admitting it here: I was an ungrounded academic idiot this semester. Meh, like I said in the previous entry, I got what i deserved. Not that it makes me feel any better. The previous two semesters help bear the blow, but wow… this was unnecessary, and I failed to learn my lessons in time, especially in a class that’s supposed to be THE class (organic chemistry) that teaches you the importance of studying hard. So that sucked… but yeah… back to business next semester.

Anyway… I think I’ve changed a lot since the last time I really reflected. Since I really looked at myself and wondered “who I was”. Xushu’s meme response is telling me something: since that impression years ago, I’ve become a bit more negative, more critical, more moody, and loaded with more… immature-ness. I guess that’s the best word. *Sigh… I still need to work on that. Too often will I go for the quickest path to what I want, instead of the path that I know will get me there. I lack patience to *wait* things out when I should, the insecurity to just… be “chill” when that’s the best response. That’s going to be my goal for this winter break: to develop a professional sense of “chillness” to life. Cool isn’t good enough; cool is a teenage virtue.

Being 20 now, I think it’s time I grew out of that. “Chill” invovles an emotional maturity, a tinge of detatchment, and a LOT more patience than I have now; all stuff I lack, and everything I need to take my steps forward. This semester was a HOT one, fiery (feary!!) in every way, and there was not a hint of “chill” in me. But whatever, in spite of all the shortcomings, there were some truly great times that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life. It’s just time to reclaim everything that the university experience is supposed to be, and get back on the path of growth. GPA too! No regrets! There IS life after orgo, and TAM, and bio… for me it happens to be ECE, ECE, ECE, MCB, MCB, CS, and GE.

Am I gonna rock? Yooou betcha~! At least, relative to this semester anyway… bleh.

Enough writing. Anyway, I just realized that I’m supposed to have posted two more memes, as online blog law dictates, so here.. I’m pretty sure they were called memes (a Greek term; thanks Sq!). This’ll be interesting… I’ll post my replies to my next entry.

Oh, and happy holidays btw.

Pick one, I don’t care which (or both if you want, or none)

Meme #1
1. Comment with your name and I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I’ll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I’ll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written. Don’t hate, promulgate

Meme #2
Leave your name and….
1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I’ll pick a color that associates with you.
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something that I’ve always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours.