Author: skyrien

aka: Skyrien.
scientist, engineer, pursuer of knowledge, maker of things

Insecure world

by skyrien

I’m feeling oddly insecure right now… back from Colorado, and for the first time in a while, I feel that I actually missed being at school. Here, I’m productive, connected, updated… and to me, it’s reassuring in many ways. Yet… right now, an insecurity lingers.

Maybe it’s the discussion of the recent crime on campus, thefts, assaults, etc… I’m sure it’s nothing out of the ordinary; in a school of forty thousand, crime is bound to be present. It’s probably just because I know several of the recent victims that it shakes me a little deeper down. Still, not much has changed, right?

Another thing I’m noting from tonight, what is with the petty racism on campus? I don’t get it, is it just easier/entertaining/self-assuring to look down on someone and make an empty race-related interjection? What I don’t get is how the offensive, intolerant, ignorant voices are so strong, and so pervasive in the vocal populace. Okay, that’s my long-winded version of asking why the hell these insulting ideas are so damn prevalent, especially at night. With all the years of “tolerance training” that we were taught growing up, why is it that so many people lack it? Meh… I don’t know, but tonight, I’m a little less happy with the way things are, and a little more motivated to do something about it.

The lesson to be learned here for a hope in resolving these tensions over time is one of humility. And in the receiving end of hostilities, more acting, less reacting. And for everyone else, to have a better sense of what to tolerate, and what not to.

Hmm… need to brainstorm for a sustainable solution…

Oh just filler material

by skyrien

So I think I need to write here more, because, (in no particular order) (a) my Xanga is nothing but a front (An excellent front where I can maintain some semblance to being completely normal, but alas, my personal philosophy says that normal sucks and I have no purpose being on this earth if I intend to spend it being “normal”), (b) Vicky’s posts are taking up more than 80% of all my friends entries, (c) I’m about to update my Xanga, and historically, for the most part, I’ve updated both at the same time. So there.

Now what was I saying?

I’m actually becoming slightly concerned for my employment prospects for this summer. Yeah, so there’s still some time. A lot of people I know have their summer ’07 plans all finalized, doing internships, summer school, traveling, etc… Not very much actually, engineering positions are usually filled in last, and I still have several interviews to go, but still; it’s rather unsettling when most everyone else I know has some idea of where they’re going, and I’m still trying to get offers.

~~~

I’m also beginning to think that I’m losing my moral compass… …no, actually I’m beginning to think that I chucked that little guide at some rock a while back and I’m only now realizing that I can’t get anywhere without it. Sure, I can play by ear, as one suggested to be before, but seriously… how long can that go?

I guess what I’m really trying to say is… well, like how I feel about the summer: I have no idea where I’m going, except that I’m just going, one step at a time, ahead a little bit with whatever seems best at that moment (i.e. utilitarianism, which I think, isn’t a form of normative ethics at all). Maybe I’ve finally given up trying to be something epic, and settled for… well, my own life.

And to be honest, I think I’ve lost something;

A sense of direction.
A sense of purpose.
Some reason for why I’m living.

Dammit, this sucks!

by skyrien

It’s a new year…

Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don’t it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

You grew up way too fast
And now there’s nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won’t tell no one your name
And I won’t tell em your name