Okay~! My first exam has passed with an A+, and it would seem that my academic future is secure for the time being. But this will likely be the only lull in the barrage until the end of the week. Why do things always happen to me in weeks?
I had an epiphany in ECE lab today: I absolutely, horridly detest what I see as the likely future of electrical engineering. Today. As we poked around at BJT and GSD transistors (in case you didn’t know, the former is current-controlled, can function as a switch *and* an amplifier, while the latter can only function as a switch but is VOLTAGE-controlled, meaning that less current is wasted and the system can be reduced–this also reduces heat emissions!) and toyed with a voltage regulating circuit, which we’ll later implement into our line-tracing car, I had a very distinct feeling which I will title the ‘what the hell am I doing?’ emotion. It’s not a matter of ability (which may just be my excuse), after today’s exam, i have no doubt that I *can* do this, but really, when I no longer want to, what’s the point?
Sometimes I wish my parents were the type that said “son, YOU are doing _____” like a few people I know. There’re a lot of things that I wish they had applied that attitude to, then who knows? Maybe I’d thank them later for it. I had the distinct feeling during the first week that ECE was one of those things that if you could do well, it would pay off. I have no doubt that it can pay off, money is one of the reasons why many people were pulled into the subject in the first place. But still, as I sat there with 12 different devices, which I would probably enjoy playing with on my own time, I had an almost absolutely certain sureness that it wasn’t where I wanted to be in the production ladder.
Not to disrespect any would be electrical engineers, but I found the line of work rather tedious, and too low level for me (any *real* engineers know that saying such is not an insult ). I’m all about abstractions, and manipulating higher order systems–like playing with magic, the feeling of empowerment derived from the unknown complexities, like standing on the deck of a titanic ship, aware of the turning of the engine, the cannon fire of pistons, combustion of hydrocarbons, and donation of electrons–all working to drive thousands of tons of steel and souls. All of it is facinating, and perhaps even beautiful, but none of that, to me, compares with the magnificence of being captain, thunderous waves breaking againts the incredible machine… the sense of freedom and power. I find EE’s rules a little bit too restricting, which makes it easier to grasp, but harder to enjoy. There are those that enjoy the highway, and those that like city streets, and the infinite possibilites of them.
Hmm… or maybe its just the fact that I don’t give a damn about how transistors work, as long as I can use then to do what I want to do. Haha… okay, I’m done with this, all I wanted to say was… ECE exam = success. ECE Lab: cool stuff, boring work.
I think I’ve grown out of my phase of expecting the least as to never be disappointed. I’ve since realized the power of desire, and the human will to achieve. But this year is different.