Xander’s College Life: Year 4

by skyrien

Chapter 5 – The final semester

Ah, so it’s finally here, semester number Eight. The last time I was in this position (the end of high school), I was thinking about alll the little things that were about to end and change change. Now, well, it’s an even bigger change, yet I don’t seem to really care the same way. Unlike high school where I wanted to hold onto everything while I could while I savored the last days, now I’m excited and ready for the next step in life.

But am I ready? That’s the question that’s been on my mind lately; am I the person I want to be? With the skills, the friends, the knowledge ready to present to the world as myself. I need to bring my hobbies back. I need a project to work on; and skills to cultivate. I refuse to be a person defined by school, work, or the people around me. So, what to do…

<UPDATE>

I’m updating this entry because I realized that I’m in the exact same mood as I was when I first wrote it. Except now, instead of the semester finally being here, it’s almost gone. My God, the time went by so fast… and I don’t even remember most of it. There were ups and downs, and stuff in between… but most of all, it just went by without too much thought. I guess this does mean that I”m “living” life instead of observing it, but ya know, I’m thinking that there’s good value to reflecting on life as it goes by. Anyway. I’m gonna blog more. Rohit has inspired me. This is such a critical time, I want to make sure that I live and remember it well.

</UPDATE>

Purpose in an unguided world

by xela

There comes a time when each person is forced to consider their life’s destiny; their story, if you will. Those with lost hopes on the street were not always so, yet at some point, they transitioned from being people with hopes and dreams to adults, where living day-to-day has replaced any sort of adventure.

It is a terrible transition and one that I am refusing to ever fall into. But of course, no one ever *wants* to become a hopeless wretch without dreams or purpose; where happiness is a transient whim that can come and go without control. How does it happen then, that so many people live having settled for mediocrity, not in jobs or love… but in their lives, entirely?

At what point do we give up on the hope of happiness, and meaning? I don’t know… but I’ve always been afraid of giving up on dreams. THis leads me to ask myself again, just to be sure that I haven’t lost mine… what “is” my end?

Am I meant to be happy? Successful? Purposeful in this greater world? Impacting the lives of those closest to me; or will my greatest impact be to those that I have never met?

I’ve met so many people that are jaded in their views, those that have had a brutal transition from childhood naivety into adulthood realism. It’s a terrible shame, and I’m beginning to wonder if there is any real hope in letting them find their dreams again. And more importantly, to accept happiness when it comes knocking at their door. This is a sad world right now… and I’m taking this moment now to wonder what I can do to make the lives of those closest to me, a little better.