I am a flower quickly fading, 
     Here today and gone tomorrow, 
     A wave tossed in the ocean, 
     A vapor in the wind, 
     Still You hear me when I'm calling, 
     Lord, You catch me when I'm falling, 
     And You've told me who I am..  
     I am Yours.    

Wow… I love this song. I don’t think any song has ever made me feel so beautifully insignificant. In the Big Picture, all our most amazing achievements, our closest cares, struggles are soooo insignificant compared to true greatness and glory. Yet to dedicate my life to such a cause… what could possibly be better?

Truly humbled… if only for a moment

 

…i am Yours…

 

Yay an Update!

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve updated! I hope I haven’t forgotten how to write… at leats I no how to speellz. Anyway yeah… I had a weird feeling today. While sitting in James’s house amongst 150 other people while Irena signed my year book, for about five seconds, I felt this odd… incredibly alone feeling. A brief flash of fatigue overcame me and I just collapsed onto the floor, and as I was lying on the floor, listening to the air-conditioning whirring from below, and so many people talking, shouting, socializing (typical James party), a wave of inexplicable euphoria rushed away the fatigue. (lol—wow, that sounds so alien.)—and I felt… happy!

And then tonight, as I was finally going through the so many comments that many people left in my year book, I was left with an amazed feeling. Senior year was THE ENRICHING year of my life. So much has changed within me even since I was a junior. I remember after moving here in 8 ^th grade, complaining about how the schools made it so hard to make new friends that were true, and even until junior year, I felt hindered by my past. It isn’t too great a feeling—it’s like helplessness and regret at the same time. Yet, something changed me this year. Senior year was such a wild ride, and the ride started in the summer. Jason may balk at this, but I credit it most of all to God for providing Teen Camp (which I still see as the beginning of a long haul). I was spiritually awakened (I won’t say re-awakened because as I’ve come to realize, I was such an ignorant sheep). It began an inward change… where my judgmental-ness and selfish core subsided… I have so many people to thank this year… I owe everyone so much! Brb…

(2 hours pass) Haha… wow, I see the importance of writing in mood. Right now, giddiness rules! At James’s house though, sadness also dominated my thoughts for a while… sad that I’m not going to Northwestern my freshie year. Kaidi shall be my hero, until… I decide that NU can screw itself, or… or whateva… U of I, so boring and mundane. Even the orientation process seems so routine. Ay… ok, I’d better get to my project before it walks off while I’m sleeping. Go to sleep Xa—no wait… go to work Xander!

Ironic how my entire project revolves around Xanga and blogs… summer is almost here for me!!! so close!!!

Commencement: So much more to say… for now:

http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=4286648219

Congratulations… all of us. We made it through, and now whether we think we’re ready or not, tis a new age!

Jabali came online tonight; we had a very good talk—from things ranging from friendship to politics to religion. But when we talked about the caste system it really REALLY got me goin’…

I used to at least somewhat respect the caste system, with he social order that it’s supposed to provide. But then again, I didn’t know what J told me of his accounts within it, and it is far worse than any of the racism in the United States. Another thing I learned—Christians and Muslims are their own caste. Not by choice. Neither religion sanctions such a system, yet the accepted societal majority deems it necessary to establish its supremacy over them.

nuvvekavali1: no christian are lower than hindus

nuvvekavali1: everyone is lower than hindus

And… that’s just SO wrong. Christianity preaches to be humble as an example for others to follow with compassion, but when the society deems that behavior as necessary for a lower caste, what effect does it have other than to corroborate the prejudiced superiority of the upper classes? When I see a people taken advantage of, especially for something they voluntarily choose to do, I get incredibly angry. Like right now…

I’m not blaming the Hindu castes at all—I AM blaming the nature of us humans to desire accepted superiority. Like I said, Scripture counteracts this natural human instinct and teaches us to be humble and to serve, yet there are places in this world where a social order exists to perpetuate the injustice. This is wrong beyond all my measures… yet how can we possibly change it? This is so bad—I almost become ignorant to all the suffering and prejudice out in the world, but of course, that won’t bring change. We all have to work…somehow, through prayer, hope, and a genuine desire to rid this world of such discrimination. There are problems within us all, even within Christianity. In sociology yesterday, we discussed some of my teacher’s kid’s friends who were mocking her for not going to church. Not in a scolding manner, but a self-superior, “I’m better than you” tone. And HOW is that different from the far more visible evil of caste discrimination? Sadly, its the same human motivation—most people grow out of it yes, but we need to help. Human nature for self-superiority is good at times, but at least… have some respect.

I’m supposedly Priam now (according to Jason), I will say one memorable line from Troy: “HAVE YOU NO HONOR?!” Then again… Hector…

I dunno, that’s my rant for 2:23 AM.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

Just something I stole off Walter’s Xanga–tests like this are far more accurate than people give credit for. And though I am usually disinclined to say that I am of any sort of archetype (aka LABEL<–EVIL!!), this analysis I think accurately summerizes some of my traits. And I got the same one in a psych inventory in class so, there is some reliability to the results. Anyway, I am a “Champion”! I’ve changed so much though–5 years ago, I was not of this personalilty type.

One thing though:

SOOOOOOO TRUE…

“ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it. ”

system be damned… (lol–though I don’t think we could survive w/o its order) bureaucracy on the otherhand can go off to burn.

THe following is another profile from the blah blah company–really interesting was what it had to say in the last paragraphs, about feeling both so integrally a part of, and at the same time, sepereated from all the life around me. But ya, that’s it–>

Your Type is ENFP