Day: September 27, 2006

Sad Sounding Happy

Oh well, for some reason, I can’t seem to sleep right now… even though I should, given that it’s 6:13 AM, and my first class starts in under 4 hours. It would appear that the world, in fact, did not freeze entirely when I stopped paying attention; I opened my Xanga subscriptions for the first time in nearly two months, and left a little bit more enlightened, reading the on-goings of friends far and near (more far than near–it would seem that most people with blogs that are updated often enough are all far away).

Sad, in a way; I feel so far behind, and yet, it’s refreshing. It’s inspiring! And ooh! What is this? LJ looks so different now… so many pleasant surprises…

…is it wrong for me to sound so giddy when I’m not?

I’m not, really. I just don’t remember how to be anything else online. And therein lies my greatest tragedy: the inability to let out the feelings trapped within. Grr… so frustrating…

…so terribly frustrating.

I started writing this entry with the intent of ending it with a goodbye–my last entry–a capstone to a flutter of a LJ career. But maybe I’ll give it another gasp of air–who knows… maybe it’ll be all it needs. I, on the other hand… need something else.

SONG! for I do not know how to embed it into an LJ. Sadly.

And time goes on…

The computer and laptop in the back is mine

Well, it’s 4:45 AM, and I’m sitting alone in the Everitt Systems Programming Lab (room 238 if anyone wants to visit), having just finished an insanely long CS MP. I’ve been up till 6-8 AM for the past few days, so I still have plenty of energy. A look into Xanga perhaps? Hmm…

Wow. August 2nd 2006. This is incredible… it’s been nearly two months since I made an update. What has become of me and my nearly daily updates? I don’t even know these days. Since the last big update… I’d left China, gone to Korea, came back to enjoy a month of summer, moved into the third year of college, came home once (got a new phone!) gone through another month (and a lot happens in these months, mind you)… and now here we are, reading my own writing and at a loss for substantive words. I blame it on classes and school work, which has become a mind-numbing onslaught of one assignments after another.

Part of me wonders what’s been going on in everyone else’s life… and another part of me doesn’t care. I feel like  I’ve lost touch with the world at large–and yet… I almost don’t mind. Except that I know that I should.

(mind wandering…)

i really like this song.

I loved you more
than you will ever know

Part of me died
when I let you go…

I think I might have passed the threshold of living, where I begin to lose the awareness of myself and become one of those… living machines…

Mleh. What a tragedy. Well. It’s about time to get back on track…

…in a bit.