I. Am. So. Very. Confused out of my mind.

It’s late so I’m not gonna write much more, even though my past record suggests that if I don’t deliberate this now, I never will. So here’s the dealizite:

I felt so sure as of last night, between what fascinates me and what satisfies me, and I now have absolutely no coherent idea of what I want to do anymore. It’s just like that. That’s not to say that  i don’t have any ideas–contrary, I have a LOt of things I want to do. But to dedicate my life-career to, that future remains behinds the clouds. Maybe if I write it all down, it’ll start to make more sense…

Cognitive science.
Artificial Intelligence
Material Science and Engineering / with an emphasis on biomaterials and polymers
Some other sort of engineering…
Oh and of course, English.

I think it’s kind of funny that I’m going back to engineering. In spite of liking physics, biology, (though not math) for some reason, I deliberately strayed awat from engineering. Nanotech was always fascinating, and biotech/bioengineering… so much stuff. Somehow I think it might be that it was TOO enticing… that I just wanted to break away and do my own thing… which turned out to be English. Neither being really bad, or really good at it, I could take it and float along… of course… I never intended to “float along” at all. Now, after a full semester of contemplation and exploration, that future seems more and more like… a misuse of precious time.

As for engineering… that is a little bigger of a realization. I’ve learned over the past few–[expand later]

Cognitive Neuroscience. It has a nice ring to it. Even Kaidi says it sounds smart. Lol, of course it *sounds* smart it’s all about brains. It’s cool stuff. Really–who wouldn’t be fascinated at understanding the Mind?

But acade—actualyl ya know what–I’m gonna give this a break. Yeah. Listening to Vienna Teng, I have lost all motivation to continue writing for the time being. But let’s just say that what I thought was my future has now gone the way of “web-dropped course”.

On a more lovelier note, check out this awesome site!
http://artpad.art.com/?ialr24z49fc (by kaidi)

  • greeeat painting…ur destined to be the next picasso!


  • yeah. I’ve wanted to be a teacher since forever… but like.. I dunno anymore 🙁
  • ooh. its pretty 🙂
  • so i was passing by the north entrance hallway of NNHS today… and then I saw IT (well actually Jeska saw it and pointed it out to me)…LOL. Hi FELIX!!
  • not like you need to decide what you want ur career to be right now. just keep taking classes, work towards SOME degree, try to see if you can get into a research group. i say chemistry all the way–although bioengineering sounds pretty gangsta as well
  • Hey! that cognitive neuroscience sounds interesting, I think I’m going into neuroscience as well…do you know if its possible to get some type of neuroscience degree at u of i without having to get the bio degree?? haha prob not. um, please tell me what you know? leave a message on xanga (tho it kindda died) or just tell Cal. Nice picture on that national merit wall btw!lol
  • Love the Artpad painting you made. I think all of the career options you listed are viable, though cognitive neuroscience does sound very fascinating.
  • hahaa–i didnt make that painting! all credit due to kaidi!