Day: January 15, 2005

Fear and Understanding

Fear. If it weren’t so inherently scary, I think I find it amusing that while most people probably feel fear when confronted with something real, tangible, or at least, immediate, what I fear most is usually far ahead of me. Things I fear are what I don’t (yet) have, or might not have. It is because of this that in the midst of my greatest successes, I most fear possible failure.

I fear with unending zeal the demise of the nanotech industry.
I fear the purposeless death.
I most fear purposeless life.
I fear the death of faith.
I fear becoming lost.
I fear losing what I have.
I fear not finding what I don’t have.

It seems that so much stems from not understanding myself as I am.

I don’t understand how I’ve come this far.
I don’t understand why I’m blessed with what I have.
I don’t understand why I seem to have so much control over my life.
I don’t understand how a confused soul like me could ever influence that of another.
I don’t…

It also seems that what I’m most not-understanding are the things that everyone else must face. Haha—I really should stop being so confused of myself.

What can I say… I’m a scared li’l kid, just looking out to the unknown petabytes of the Internet for some guidance… perhaps I’m looking the wrong way?

Five years

AS OF TODAY, I have been in this great nation for FIVE WHOLE YEARS!!! More later…

 

NCHS Visit + NNHS Visit #3

Visiting NCHS during the school day for the first time, I found that it’s not quite the same as North. But thansk to Dave, we were reminded the hard way of the differences of college and HS. We got in through the courtyard door and followed the crowd to the lunch rooms. And immediaely was confronted with the aftermath of a massive food fight. The deans/narcs were in one side (which we stupidly ventured to) and at that point, Dave started complaing. “Where is everyone??” he said in an apostrophe, flipping out his cell phone. Dave probably shouldn’t have done that and Anu probably should have taken off his beanie gangsta hat, and we probably shouldn’t have worn our jackets nor stood near the dean/narcs, cuz at that moment, one of them came up to us, and after a series of identifying questions, we were escorted out of the building into the 7 degree weather outside. We learned to be inconspicuous the second time, and we entered once again through the courtyard door…

NCHS 4th-5th periods

Deep in enemy territory, we were confronted with a series of demoralizing banners, simultaneously intended to boost their pride, and perhaps uproot infiltrators like us.

For some reason it seems a lot bigger, in part because of the lunch rooms are divided into several sections. We looked for a while, but it wasn’t until 5th period that anyone was found… and then they came. One by one, familiar faces and masses of freshmen crowded into the hallways. And the hat craze began once more…


Popular hats! (Pictured clockwise from topleft: Robin, Angie, Chris, Vicky, Vicki, Mike)

I bought lunch from the lunch lines… bringing back the strange familiar feeling of being ripped off by the disctrict. But I was hungry, so whateva~ In the “Silent (Nerd) Cafeteria”, we talked for a whlie, took some pictures/videos, listened to Anubhav and Dave spill secrets (theirs and others).

And to my horror, I discovered that NCHS’s bathrooms dont have doors to their toilet stalls. Not that I was in a mood to use them, but that clearly shows the differing ideas of privacy in public places. Messed up ideas that is. Otherwise, the school as a whole seemed a lot more social than North, and more lively. I had only gone to one high school for all four years, and experiencing life at another (even just a lunch period) where so many old/new friends goto/went was a definite worthwhile visit. I recommend it to many .

We left at the end of the period through the way we came, somewhat more enlightened than before. And then… later in the day, onto North!

NNHS After School

~and the hat craze continues!


(Pictured clockwise from top left: Helen, Ben, Jeff, Nabila, Unidentified schobowl dude, Cat, Dave, [bottom center] Matt)

And that was that–more lata!