Month: October 2004

Xander’s College Life – Chapter 6

Be Perfect

<EDIT> prepending Imagestation Localles!


A Visit to Northwestern  – Moi in front of the beach!


NCHS Homecoming – A Night to Treasure  – Yes!


’04 Northwestern Fall Formal  – LOL

</EDIT>

i am in such a very good mood right now

Time is going by so fast! (YES! Finally, an entry that doesn’t start with “So…”) My second month here whizzed by without much notice—too busy doing so much other stuff. Kind of scary really, the first semester of college is going to be over in six weeks. And what do I have to show for it? I’m on the verge of having my time here become a blur before me; I think it’s time to capture it back! So, onwards to a review!

  1. Managed to stay above the water (mostly) in terms of grades—at least, as of this posting, but another barrage of midterms coming in a week (grr…I will battle you to the death you evil creations! ), who knows?
  1. Made a visit back home every two weeks since getting here—I’ve realized that I should privileged. First time I came out here, it felt like I was being shipped off to some island, far away; it seemed to take forever. It got easier the second time, and the third… then forth. Last time I came back here (on the bus for once!), I watched a stupid movie, talked to Diana a bit, and suddenly, I’m here! I loved being back home, for its familiarity, its comforts (real showers!), and the driving…! I miss everyone back home, every single person I ever talked to, helped, been helped by, made a difference, felt a difference… yes, you too.
  1. But now, it’s about time that I learned to truly live here, and I won’t be going back any time soon; not until Thanksgiving, and that will be a good thing. (yes that means doing the laundry too). At this university, though it wasn’t my first choice, I will thrive!
  1. So much to be thankful for— —I have friends from ages past, and made a few friends for the future. At first, there was massive socialization between new people, and now, it seems to have died down a bit as everyone’s settled. Time for me to renew the social fire! There are so many good people out there… just a matter of crossing paths.

Lol—screw this list, there’s just too much to say. For a while, I thought that college (especially here) wasn’t that different from high school. But it truly is—especially in review, I’ve realized that I can completely rebuild myself; this is the new beginning that is the end of all high school regrets (of which I have many). It is my time, perhaps one of the last, to prove myself in a world I haven’t built. Blessed with this gift, how could I possibly not make the best out of it? I WILL!

More worrisomely, I’ve admittedly—(whoa…worrisomely is a real word?!)—faltered a little bit. I’ve slacked off, procrastinated, and grades have suffered. Time to get crackin’ again—it’s been tough yes, but no one ever said it was easy.

And for a while, I complained about everything here, food, people, even architecture. That was so stupid—and now that’s gonna change. Mind set means so much right? Well it’s about time that I get in the mindset of ruling my world, not letting it rule me. To being perfect.

If you haven’t watched Friday Night Lights , I urge you with all my heart, to do so, for it has inspired me to work, and to live, putting in every ounce of dedication I have to save my sorry butt, knowing that I did everything I could, so that in the face of whatever comes my way, I have been perfect in all I could do/be.

So this is my message to the world today. This is my message from here on till the day I leave this earth! God bless!

.XS.


Forever

So college is finally beginning to drive me insane. Not because of the deathly same daily dorm food. Not because of the masses of midterms and projects and papers which have been piled upon me over the past week-point-five. And shockingly, not because of the fact that I spent the past 10 hours doing homework due later today, with the help of two cups of imitation Starbucks coffee and coffee ice cream and freezing temperatures provided by an open window and flannel Heartland pants while singing “Java java java… java… sucks!!!” .

Nope.

I’m being driven insane because I am stuck in a time warp, unable to move or change the world out there in other places like my own. Because my encapsulated bubble is Plexiglas and I am forced to watch other bubbles float away, mingle amongst each other and possibly even merge to form multiplexes… while I am still stuck here.

Because even as I wait for opportunity with as much respect and patience as a teenager can have, other factors are as selfish as I am and love to claim keepsies to my role and station.

Yes, the love of God is forever.

Yes, life is long and bitterness runs long but far in between.

But guess what? Mammon and Phthonos lurk far closer to my all too human worlds.

Perhaps I am doomed to watch forever. But who cares? It’s 7:25 AM… maybe I’ll get an hour of sleep tonight. Today. Whatever…

I miss life.