Day: October 15, 2003

Reflections from 2000

Wow, I was just reading some of my old journal entries… like from junior high old, when I was 14, 15 years old. Reading it, I can tell that my core ideas haven’t changed… but I’ve added a lot of substance to who I am as a person.

Here’s one entry–I’ll see if I can post up the rest someday.

ENTRY 006 Friday, April 14 th , 2000 11:59 AM

I have realized that all what I am trying to accomplish, I can’t do it alone. I need someone who understands me, who wants to understand me… 

I have also realized that (I have known for long) that I’m sensitive to others’ thoughts. Even a little remark will make me think a lot of it. At least, I am an expert in hiding my expressions. But to counter that, I also have a lot of self-confidence. I believe in myself (more than anyone) that I could do whatever I needed to do. That’s what kept me going for so long. Failure after failure, my self-confidence gave me the power to renew myself and be new and ready each time. But it seems to be failing; being over-used. I’m not sure if I can take this pressure alone. I need help. I prayed for help. I hope there will be an answer. END OF LOG 006

My birthday entries are cool–along with letters to future myself. Okay, I told CC that I was gonna sleep at 10… hmm… I think it’s a little past ten… ay.. ok, sleepy time!

NNHS Homecoming 2003!

Oct 12 3:09 AM – Homecoming 2003 was the most awesome one yet–as it should be, senior year–so much more of a “reward” that I thought it would be. If I wasn’t so tired, I’d still be bouncing off the walls! I thank everyone who came there–I know you guys came out there to enjoy yourselves, but it wouldn’t have been as fun without everyone who was there. Oh yes, and Vicki–thanks for being such an awesome date! Yes I can carry you and no you can’t beat me in physical combat (if you don’t believe me…).

Ahh!! Further analysis of Homecoming 2003 will have to wait ‘cuz my mind just can’t seem to focus on anything right now.

Anyway, I found a cool new writing exercise I’m going to try first thing in the morning–literally. What you do is get to a computer as soon as you wake up, and just start writing–sort of like the exercises you might to at school, except its immediately after waking. My goal is to write at least whole page every morning!

Here are a bunch of pictures!

Transplanting Across Continents

Oct 15 7:09 PM – (speechless… gathers self) I have just read the most amazing personal statement that I have ever seen. (which I can’t post yet because I don’t have permission).

I thought I had a solid idea of what a good essay was–but K knew all that and had the right raw experiences as well. This essay, if anything, belongs in the 50 Harvard Essays book.

K’s essay deals with an experience that is uniquely hers, but it overflows with emotion that is universal to us all. As I read the beginning of her story, I was more than sorry for her–it got to me much deeper than that–I felt as if I knew that same pain. Friends, happiness… everything that she cared for was stripped away, and challenge after challenge was piled on. Feeling sorry doesn’t go far enough to explain what I felt as I read her essay–I felt as if I knew what she felt.

“I cried, for days and nights, begging my parents to let me go home, but it seemed like nobody cared.The little tree was on the verge of dying.”

Had the essay been any longer, I might have had time to cry for her… because four years ago, I did exactly the same thing. If that was the end of the story, I would have said that she was an amazing person–tragically destroyed by circumstance. But it wasn’t the end of her story–emotionally destroyed as she was, she didn’t give up. She was determined to rebuild what she had lost. A phone call from a new friend–this small accomplishment was everything to her. She was so close to giving up but the little things kept her alive. Her writing went on beautifully; I heard the voice and saw the person of the story. She more than survived–she prevailed. As I saw her triumphing in the face of these seemingly insurmountable problems, I was overjoyed! I smiled on the outside–inside, I was ecstatic. Her essay caught my heart from the start, and put me back into emotions that I hadn’t been in for so long–and it moved on–further than I myself had come. Had I read this essay four years ago, I would have felt a surge of hope–now, as hard as this may be to believe, I feel so proud of her! I’ve read so many failure stories, and I was so close to being one myself that I was thrilled to see her success. I’m so happy for her that I feel like I already know her, and I want to just go up to her and give her a hug of pure joy! If only she was here when I read it.

Another thing she conveys with excellence is her humble beginnings and understanding end–she knows what she’s accomplished, and her clean pride is just stunning. When she talked of her growing challenges and her accomplishments–there isn’t a speck of bragging that can be sensed. And the story continues until the very present of her life. She had gone through so much, and through it become the person she is now. So many levels to appreciate. She found herself, and built everything back up from scratch–and now she’s proven to the reader that she’s capable of defeating ANY challenge. And once she’s accepted to every college she applies to, she will have proven that to herself. She more than deserves to succeed, I WANT her to succeed. She had better get accepted into every college she applies to–because… (smiles again)… just because…, K… you’re so awesome!

Now I have a story of my own to write about.