I think I’ve been a little ungrounded lately. Like I’ve lost my anchor, so easily moved emotionally. And you know what I’ve realized? I can find good in almost any situation, learn important lessons through my struggles… and when I can’t, I can still find serenity… but I had never felt that such “maturity” could be so tragic until now.
Something is amiss, and I can’t seem to find a way to find both happiness and comfort. Like a ship on a voyage, no anchor needed.
I’m sitting in my room, listening to an awesomely beautiful song . It’s December now. It’s cold and dark out… and things seem gray again. Two years ago , gray was what my world was, knowing that even as I was stuck in my bubble, life were out there–whatever “life” was. Two years later here I am, after taking a short trip through both extremes, back in gray. It’s a different shade of gray though… or maybe it’s just a different me.
I AM a different me now… but still the same.
I’ve come to accept that we can’t always keep things close, no matter how hard you may try; that when it’s time to move on, you do inevitably move on. I’d like to live a proactive life, but I’ve learned to value “going with the flow”. I also believe, however, with people anyway, and perhaps all of life, the things that stick around, without having to tie them down to KEEP them around are the ones you’ll be close to as you’re meant to be. And that’s a nice comfort.
Oh but not all so bittersweet… I’ve learned another thing over the two years: that your life is what you make of it. And that MAKING isn’t always easy, but it’s always, ALWAYS worth the effort. Besides, you learn life’s lessons along the way, through the victories, and sometimes more, especially in our young age, the defeats. Anyway, that is all.
I just took a killer orgo exam. And a TAM exam. Life blows, but I love it anyway. Here’s a shoutout to my dear sQ! Stay strong! Destiny awaits! TAKE IT!
LoL. Okay, I’m going to bed.
~*~
I didn’t really explicate on these lyrics when I posted them; was occupied trying NOT to die from orgo and TAM.
strange how certain the journey
time unfolds the petals for our eyes to see
strange how this journey’s hurting
in ways we accept as part of fate’s decree
so we just hold on fast
acknowledge the past
as lessons exquisitely crafted
painstakingly drafted
to carve us as instruments
that play the music of life
– Eric’s Song, Vienna Teng
~*~
Journalist? wtf?
Extroverted ( E ) 70% Introverted (I) 30%
Intuitive ( N ) 65.79% Sensing (S) 34.21%
Feeling ( F ) 55.26% Thinking (T) 44.74%
Perceiving ( P ) 58.14% Judging (J) 41.86%
|
ENFP – “Journalist”. Uncanny sense of the motivations of others. Life is an exciting drama. 8.1% of total population.
|
So, an update. At a time when every hour could make a difference, I’m making an update in my Xanga. Maybe this is why I’m having such a hard time catching up.
I’m in what could be an academic panic zone. Imagine not studying NEARLY enough for a HUGE exam that could be one of your last chances to pull your grades up from the abyss, and then, the day before the exam, you find out you have yet ANOTHER exam in another class (in a similarly dire situation, gradewise) where you’re not at ALL prepared in. Then imagine not waking up in time to finish online homework that’s due that day, and finding out that YES that lab you’ve been working on for two weeks IS due today, there IS piano class today, and yes, you’re still stuck here among the living.
It’s mind numbing. I think I’ve gone beyond the point of panic and fear, to where I see my death coming and there’s nothing I can do about it…
…but hell no. I will not go quietly into silence, killed by organic chemistry and theoretical mechanics… because you know what? It just ain’t gonna be like that. I’ve just been reminded that even in what seems like the most dismal situations imaginable, things can always get worse… but they can always get better.
With encouragement packages, and rekindled hopes in times of fear… I’m in a good mood~ I know there’s a way… Sq says I’m lucky… not so. I resort to extreme measures in times like this. But that’s what I have to do to survive. I will survive. I will prevail. And things will be okay.
But…
…God I’m scared.
On a happier note–I’ve managed to circumvent the security measures on my own computer:
FINALLY, I get to read these juicy secrets of mine…
As a side note, I try not to “brag” about missing class–rather the sheer number is a point of disgust, which may bring me motivation to change my habits. LoL, of course that’s my post-facto modifications of intentions, but whateva. Yeah, I’ve missed a lotta classes. Hopefully not too many more.