Wow, I can’t seem to write at all. Let’s just say… that I’ve been avoiding the topics that bother me most. I’ve been running away from the things I know I must face before I can move forward. Do I want to move forward? Yes… I just haven’t been doing it lately.

I actually think that in many ways, I’ve been moving in a lot of directions lately, pushed from the powers within and pulled from those outside forces. And for the most part, I’ve gone with the flow.

And look where it’s brought me. Why is it that life as-it-is feels so artificially natural? I *could* choose not to care that things are bothering me inside, I *could* go on like this as if my world was at peace with itself.

As if God wasn’t watching…

But I’m not bothered so much with the waves above as I am about the rolling currents below. A year ago, perhaps, I have no doubt that things would have been different. I would have been sure of the choices made before actions were taken. But like I said, this has been a year of experiences and this is unknown territory. And I’ll admit, my first thought upon deep reflection is to run. To run to safety, to a realm where the risk is less my own, and the cost paid by someone else. To a place of mind where things are decided before they are, and the right choices are the ones already made. Theory rules here, as does the abstract. Things are so much simpler when right and wrong can be black and white, and the rightest decisions are those that get the most followers. Yes, I could, but now that I think about it, I don’t like that at all. There are issues yes, but this isn’t a matter of running or staying…

Eh… enough ambiguity, I think it’s about time for some serious reflection… you know where to find me. (And Tingting, if you’re reading this, I’d like to talk sometime…)