Month: June 2004

To Evanston!

by skyrien

A Little Reflection.

So summer is definitely here, even if the weather doesn’t show it, the sheer desire to be idle is powerfully conflicting against my want of productivity. At least it’s making day to day activities interesting. It’s a battle, and so far, I’ve been wining. Each day for the past 5, I’ve spent an hour in front of the once foreign object in the living room called a piano, an hour learning Javascript and HTML, an hour at Lifetime, and around an hour reading.

I might as well be a hermit, but for once, I don’t mind not being social. Yes I know very well that these may be the last days that I’ll have the chance to see some people, but other than a select few (and yes, if you’re reading this, you’re probably on the unwritten list of VIPs), I really don’t have an urge. Realizing that it’s also probably the last time I’ll get this much free time to pursue unexplored interests and to realize some deferred dreams, I think I’ll devote my time to those ends.

University of Illinois orientation coming up in 2 days… with brotha Yonadan comin’ along, I’m sure it won’t be too bad. Not that it’s gonna be good. From what I’ve heard, the “good” time slots for classes have been filling up since mid-June, and since ours is in July… the prospects of getting even a “good” class is a tad slim. College already seems to be up for a cloudy start… but then again I love clouds. So with little else to say, I guess it’ll be “To battle once more”!

Right now though, I may be productive… but inside, I really feel like I’m missing something. And it’s not something that a trip to the Indiana Dunes or winning poker can fulfill. I guess I’m sorta envious of the people… over there… and soon to be over there. I want to go over there too, but… sadly current status doesn’t allow that.

So I must be getting old… I had this very sudden, strong urge to revisit my childhood roots for a day. Evanston that is. It’s so odd that a piece of my life is sitting so close across a few highways, yet I act as if it’s a totally forgotten past. I lived there longer than I have anywhere else—five years. I went through my preschool and first few years of elementary school there. Both of my brothers were born there. Northwestern and the nearby beaches were my backyard while we lived in the private university housing. Biking, burning old Christmas trees, burying dead fish…


Evanston 1993-ish – I think I was flying a kite with my dad

And I’m beginning to wonder… where did all that go? Adapting back to the U.S. was almost as hard as it was when we moved to Korea—I had almost forgotten that I’d lived for 8 years here before (half of it, in that suburb of Evanston). Yet search me for the impact of living there, and I find none. Perhaps my quirkiness, thanks to my 2nd grade Ms. Halverson, and compassion from wonderful Kindergarten teacher Mrs. Wall. And of course, I can’t forget Lydia.

Who is she? I don’t know anymore… my decade long search for her has turned quite fruitless. Whoever she is now, she’s not easily found. Who was she? Just an old friend… from… kindergarten to 2nd  grade. Some people are surprised by how much I remember from my early childhood. They weren’t the best of times, but they were certainly memorable. Certainly memorable were the ubiquitous teasing I always got for interacting with girls, but it taught me a thing or two about empathizing with others. I have a distinct memory of telling Mrs. B in 1st grade that I was happy to be in the advanced math class with her. Oh the things 6-year-olds say…

//UPDATE: (2005) Thanks to Facebook spreading across all universities, I’ve finally found her! She is alive and well, at Duke University!

During my time (ages 5-7) there I also experienced death second hand… twice. Once of a fellow student, and one of a close friend’s parent. Such things did indeed mold my fundamental values.

Presenting Korea Culture to Mrs. Wall’s Kindergarten ( 1991)

And I wonder how I’d see 2 nd grade myself. How would my life have been different had I not moved away from there at that very life-determining stage. And then, I wouldn’t mind making a story about it.

But back to the whole point of this, I have a huge urge to go revisit Evanston, not for the nice purple and white university on the side, but for the past that had been buried under. I wouldn’t mind, spending a day, walking through Michigan Avenue where I had once lived… or maybe swinging in Willard Elementary School’s playground… assuming it’s still there. How has that part of town changed since… 12 years ago? I want to know! Sometime soon… maybe right after I get back from orientation?

Yeah, sounds good. Okay okay, in the interests in maintaining my “productive routine” I think I’ll take my nap now.

25-Jun-2004

by skyrien

So since adopting a daily schedule, and a monthly project list, my days have become slightly more productive. I’m barely managiing to keep up with half the things I’m planning, but considering my past record–that’s pretty darn good.

Reviving Angelex has been put off until I learn Javascript and advanced html (yet more things to busy myself over summer). We had a fellowship gathering and *attempted* to plot out a roadtrip to some yet-undetermined place. Sully came up with a list of some very ambitious destinations, including New York, Quebec City, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Toronto, etc… everything that came to mind I imagine. Sadly, me being the “illegal immigrant” (not really, but similar circumstances) any non-U.S. destinations had to be removed… and then came the problem of finding a week where everyone is free. That problem was never solved… and it doesn’t look like it’s gonna work out. After an hour so of bickering (while I played with poker chips), the most logical conclusion reached was to postpone it to next year.

A post-freshman college road trip? Some people seemed to think that… it wouldn’t be possible to be as enthused as we are now–but I think it’s actually a better idea-we already hang out every day now. After a year of seperation, some good ol’ friendship bonding time would be even more welcome. My dad, and my own observations seem to indicate a very comforting fact–the friends you make in high school will be friends you have for life–and also among the closest. So, friends… we shall go on…

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[American History X]

I don’t know why I put off seeing it for so long. I’d seen the ending at least… 3 times on television, but never quite had any undestanding of the movie. And today, I finally saw it.

I fed the dog and cat at my pastor’s house (my summer “job”), and then was going through their HUGE rack of movies (after the cat ran away somewhere)–and I happened upon this film…

I don’t think I ever… spilled as many tears over a movie before. Not that it was particularly sad–but it touched and moved my movie heart. I won’t say anything else, besides that I’m gonna definitely be advocating this film for viewing. Just be of at least high school age, or high school maturity.

After it was over, I spent about 10 minutes looking for the cat outside… but it was not to be found. Should this worry me? Cat’s are very durable animals right, and will survive just fine for a night outsde? Mleh–it better be back tomorrow morning… or else… je suis screwed. I pray that this stupid cat doesn’t go off to far… or get run over…

Time to Inspire

by skyrien

(Entry dedicated to KT)

Good luck reading this (btw its actually 20 not 22):



So that’s that. Writing on paper is so much slower for me now, I feel as if my thoughts are being held back by my own inability. I think too fast to type anyway, slowing em down even more just makes the bottleneck worse. Plus while writing cursive, I’m focused on just getting the handwriting good that it detracts from the creative process. Just a thoguht. I mean, I can type in my SLEEP, (December 15th, 2003 Xanga entry), but I can barely write in cursive while awake. Nevertheless, penmanship has suddenly become a priority, and after nineteen years of writing chickenscratch, I think it’s time for a change. Hopefully, by the end of this year, I’ll be able to write in my sleep~

Till then–

[EDIT] — lol–adding to my Xanga because it’s 2:48, and I feel like writing some more. YOu know, I really complained and dissed my freshman year a lot–about how I didn’t do anything. But now that school’s over, my entire set of values seem to have shifted quite a bit. I actually did do a lot of stuff, and I really miss all that I used to do that year–around that time, I started making websites (inter-reality.com was born), learned to use photoshop, html & frontpage, and 3ds max for making CG movies, took computer graphics, web design, digital photo, writing, and acting classes, wrote 200 pages of the New World story, made a huge picture a month relating to the New World story, drew pictures of dragons for no reason other than to dream of flying as one… I was such a dreamer, creativity billowing into every little thing I used to do. A bit depressed the whole time yes, but nothing could be better to get me to find ways to entertain myself. It was also the time when my dad was very very ill… but that’s another story. Depression and lonelyness are necessary for personal development–and I thank God for all the traversities (my own created word) that came my way that year.

Looking at Victoria’s (i dunno her last name yet) site , I’m reminded of all the passions I had at that younger age. Seriously, what happened to all that precocious professionalism burgondging at 15? I guess I found more… normal ways to spend my time. Friends and “fun”… the things I used to write about and dream about, I began to do… and as I did so, the dreams became less enchanting, and the value of actually “living” went up exponentially.

But now that school is out… and the time is coming when my passions become who I am, all the things I set aside earlier, all by old dreams are becoming to feel more like… chains, dragging behind me–because I’d hate to give up anything–yet there’s no way I can do them all. Or can I?

I remember when I was in 7th grade, how I gave up learning computer programming because I had friends who started in 4th grade. I thought I had fallen so far behind, that I needed to find something else. Yet it’s only recently that I realized how naive I had been, and now, I wonder, is it too late yet? Can I resume my childhood penchants with the same vigor I had 4 years ago? Sitting around and wondering certainly isn’t going to get anything done–and I think I’m finally beginning to feel the limits of time creeping up on me. This summer, I have so much that I want to do, before it’s too late… SO I WILL DO IT! I already made a list of group goals, this time, it’s time for personal ones.

::XANDER’s PERSONAL SUMMER GOALS::

1. Rebuild my webpage–this time, with MODERN web components.

2. Read all the books on my list. Two hours a day should be enough.

3. Get 1 work of art done per month. So that’s 3…

4. Write the New World again

5. Learn to play Fur Elise on the piano!

6. Create a Fellowship Connection Site

7. Write letters to EVERYONE.

8. AND GIVE OUT THE SKYRIEN AWARDS!!!

9. Read the Bible, completely… mleh–gl to myself with that one…

10. Read a French book!

11. Continue the NIL story. I was somewhat inspired by Joe Nasti’s writing of a story with real people, and a bit ago, I started writing my own story, a section at at time. I’ve been writing in my AIM profile for a week or so now. This story involves us as the main characters–and begins sometime in early-April of this year. Except… it’s sci-fi/fantasy… as in… weird things start happening… the action begins when suddenly, everyone passes out in 3rd period, and wakes up to find… *poof*  6 billion people… gone. (the world population is about 6.2 billion now)

12. Inspire someone.

Yeah, I guess that’ll do. 20 Days have already passed, a LOT are still left, and I SHALL NOT DISAPPOINT MYSELF, EVER AGIN! *sigh… maybe I am really aging… I get excited thinking about all the things I could do, but when I get to work, I get tired… lose patience… please, give me the patience to be what I know can be. Merci~