Category: life

New beginnings.

by skyrien

Every now and then, you need to sit down, free your mind of your current mood, and get ready for a new age. For me, now is one of those times. One month before the biggest most exciting change of my life, transitioning from a child still dependent on my parents’ allowance, to completely taking care of myself–in a new city, new position, with new surroundings.

Yes, I’m excited. Yes, I’m a little anxious. But hell yes, I’m ready for a new beginning.

College was great, I met awesome people, learned an amazing amount of stuff that I was barely aware of beforehand, but also to never confuse my career with my life. Moderation is everything; that’s one of the wise words that Beckman left behind, and something that I still have yet to fully learn. The great balancing act continues…

New beginnings are a great moment to renew yourself, but I’m still not perfect, going into this next step. I go into this next step with a partially undefined future–but like my weaknesses, this also presents a strength: Anything is possible.

Onward! New blog, new beginnings!

Purpose in an unguided world

by skyrien

There comes a time when each person is forced to consider their life’s destiny; their story, if you will. Those with lost hopes on the street were not always so, yet at some point, they transitioned from being people with hopes and dreams to adults, where living day-to-day has replaced any sort of adventure.

It is a terrible transition and one that I am refusing to ever fall into. But of course, no one ever *wants* to become a hopeless wretch without dreams or purpose; where happiness is a transient whim that can come and go without control. How does it happen then, that so many people live having settled for mediocrity, not in jobs or love… but in their lives, entirely?

At what point do we give up on the hope of happiness, and meaning? I don’t know… but I’ve always been afraid of giving up on dreams. THis leads me to ask myself again, just to be sure that I haven’t lost mine… what “is” my end?

Am I meant to be happy? Successful? Purposeful in this greater world? Impacting the lives of those closest to me; or will my greatest impact be to those that I have never met?

I’ve met so many people that are jaded in their views, those that have had a brutal transition from childhood naivety into adulthood realism. It’s a terrible shame, and I’m beginning to wonder if there is any real hope in letting them find their dreams again. And more importantly, to accept happiness when it comes knocking at their door. This is a sad world right now… and I’m taking this moment now to wonder what I can do to make the lives of those closest to me, a little better.

Dream hunting…

by skyrien

Xander’s College Life: Year 4

Chapter 3 – Hunting for dreams

Over the past few weeks, I’ve had a fair amount of free time. Sure, I had a lot of work to get done, and a lot of little things constantly flying around, but in between those outrageously hectic periods, I’ve also had the luxury of free time. Entire weekends and random stretches throughout the week when I had nothing in particular to do. This is all good, because there are always so many non-academic interests that I’d like to pursue; so many books to read, so many people that I’d like to catch up with that this free time has huge value to me.

Yet, over the past weeks whenever I had free time, I’ve ended up doing close to absolutely nothing with it. Times like a few minutes ago (after the Illini lost to those Wolverines), I have an entire night to do anything I want, but instead of making good use of this free time, I just sat around and let this pseudo-fatigue gather under my eyes, until I felt like lying in bed. It was as if some energy black hole came in and sucked away all of my motivation. So, for the past half-hour, I’ve been trying to figure out what it is, and my conclusion so far, is that it’s because a lack of dreams.

I wrote in my last entry that I haven’t been daydreaming. Well, I don’t think I’ve been dreaming much either. I look at my roommates doing med school apps, and while I’m grateful that I don’t have that stress on top of my regular school and life troubles, I’m also feeling a little nostalgia about the college app process from four years ago. There’s something extraordinarily rare and special about pursuing that dream school, or dream job, or… maybe that dream girl ( ) and putting in that tangible effort to get in, it, or her, because you know that what you’re pursuing is not just a place or a name, but an defining time of your life that is directly a result of that effort. Ah hah!

No wonder I’m lacking motivation! It’s been a many good years since I’ve had that intense of a desire from something I want so very badly… sure it’s just one step at a time, but that “chase” is a damn good one, and it makes the victory (or even a defeat) so much sweeter. Not to say that I want to be applying to med schools right now; or applying/interviewing for more jobs (I’m kinda sick of those too), but I do feel a need to dream; to have a visible, tangible goal in my life that I can drive my energy into. I need that, because… lol, like Owen Wilson says, “I’m an idea man! I thrive off enthusiasm”.

So, where to start…