Haha–im still trying to figure out how LiveJournal works–so many weird functions.. like “memories”? what good is that for? *sigh…* its funny how much fun i can have all by myself. i think i might have made a big mistake though–in challenging NG to go find this sacred journal.

oh well, perhaps all things sacrosanct cant remain so in public hands. haha–i’ll have to hijack her xanga if she does anything…

so what the hell do i want to be anyway? I’ve made so many changes to my college career since it started… I’ve been making changes all my life I suppose, but shouldnt there be some semblence to directino by now? let’s see… what have i ever wanted to do?

4th – 5th grade — computer programmer —
seemed like the logical thing to do, with me being so into computers

6th – 7th – game designer —
yea, a progression to something a little more creative

8th – 9th – marine biologist — this is definitely the most random, stupidest thing yet. Driven by my fascination with the supposed intelligence of dolphins, but it was the beginning of my interest in intelligence and cognitive science.

haha–at about that time, i remember i also started my drive to become a writer. AND haha–i became so troubled with the fact that there was so much to do out there and so little time in our lives, that i half-jokingly (and half-seriouly) considered career options that might have led to an immortality solution. I thoguht of genetic engineering, biochemistry, bioengineering, neuroscience etc… until i finally settled on just living my life as life is meant to be lived.

I also seriously considered trying out acting, but gave that up early.

10th – 11th… i dunno what the hell i was thinking here…

12th – college creeping up on me, and i realized that i had so many interests, in so many fields that i would HAVE to give up some stuff, sadly… but then, cognitive science popped out of nowhere as a compromise solution that seemed to be a progression of my interests. Being interdisciplinary, it seemed to encompass almost everythingthat i had ever been interested in… it’s what i applied to northwestern with…

COLLEGE! …and it was my continued drive for transfer to NU or WashU, and for the time being, formulating my OWN major at the U of I. Yet… now I’m jus confused. Weird things started happening in college… almost as if i was regressing… or maybe it’s just a rebound effect. It started with math. I had convinced myself that i hated math in the latter years of high school, and I thought i’d be happy not taking any more in college. But this semester, without a single math class… i seriously felt deprived. And almost, i felt a craving for the logical certainty of math. And… I’ve become kinda scared, that I’m forgetting all the stuff i learned in high school. Somehow biology sticks to my mind, but chemistry and physics, and most of all, math has been slipping from my mind with frightening speed. Anyway… it looks like I’m almost backtracking to math and chem.

I came into U of I as an English major, with a cognitive science major through IPS, but now I’m changing it around a lil bit. As of 2nd semester, my unofficial program is neuroscience through IPS, a bioengineering minor, with an intent to get into the Technolgy and management program at the college of business. Yes, I’m becoming more practical i suppose.

I just hope it doesn’t mean my dreams are going by way of my younger years.