“(c) 2010″ is already on the web for massively scalable services? How?
As someone avidly interested in web services and their path from concept in a vision planning room, to the point where they leave their impact on the world, I find it fascinating that Facebook, Microsoft, and Google have changed their (c) 2009 to (c) 2010 on their front pages, but Yahoo, Twitter, Amazon, and even Yelp still read (c) 2009. I have my own reasons for finding that interesting, but that's not important. What IS important is when the flip happened, and the deep understandings of each that the answer to 'When?' represents.
Sure, I don't expect most people to care. This might seem like an utterly trivial, 'who the hell cares?' question to many, but when you think about it, at any given point, every piece of the a page's visible design and text has to pass through one person's yes/no decision, and one computer (likely unencrypted). Since there are so few software companies operating websites at distributed scales like this, there isn't a lot of non-proprietary software that can manage these gargantuan services. This probably means the service management software isn't very well updated with the latest data visualization software. Every change that might occur is either a bug, or something that was approved in a very deliberate fashion. Which is why when I see that several sites have already updated their copyright year to 2010, I realized that they must've had a team of people that discussed the importance of changing to 2010 immediately after the new year.
What kind of mindset is needed to get this resolved? I mean, at some point, close to the end of the year probably, some person had to stand up and say, "Hey, if we don't do this when the year runs around, then we're gonna look stupid." And because of the yes/no process that ended in agreement with this guy, someone had to stay up and edit the year in, sync it across all required web-facing servers hosting the site, and then finally, produce it on demand, to the world. What I'm really curious about is speculations on the drama that could've surrounded this process.
I wonder... Did the engineer really stay up that late at work (on New Year's Eve, no less) just for this? Or was there a decent chunk of dev/test resource time spent to make it happen with server-side code? Could he just pay Chinese gold farmers a couple bucks to press the button at the right time?
Let's remove one simple but hugely complicated problem just to make the scope of the 2009->2010 challenge easier to understand than it actually is, and assume that there's only one timezone to care about. (Actually, this might be more true than not, since most sites only have a centralized team managed page). Or maybe there was a legal team that warned the product groups that there was a potential for lawsuits if the year was misrepresented on a site with their logo. Nevermind the ridiculous legal precedent that must've been quoted to give the lawyers fear in the first place, or the BS they must've used to convince the PG it was important enough (heck, maybe the legal department was just playing a practical joke). Okay, fine, that last one is a little too unlikely.
I'm going to bet that this miraculous change was the decision of a single engineer, with a religiously singular internal desire to see this ridiculously low-pri task completed, and sitting on the cloud by 1/1 12:00. Probably a program manager, but with the collaboration of someone with world-server access. They probably worked with someone in operations that snuck it in at the last second before the RTW VS. [This could never happen at any of these, now-massive corporations... or could it? 
]
Of course, my now immersed-in-the-web mind wonders some more: How was this change done? I wonder if a clever engineer decided to hardcode a date change script into the next build. What did this code do?
Would it still do it's thing when the year rolls to 2011... and not throw some unexpected exception and take down the livesite? Could it really have been a Find-Replace that just changes all instances of "2009" to "2010"? Nah, it wouldn't be that stupid, or we'd be seeing at least a few random instances of 2009 (that is specific to 2009) turn to 2010.
Maybe he/she made the change and had a script upload the new version at the right moment? Would they be able to secure buy-in from the deployment team for that?
[to be continued...]
American citizenship from my own perspective
I just got an email from my company's Global Migration team about U.S. Naturalization Workshops they're hosting. I laughed for a bit and then smiled at the fact that this is relevant in the company and then that something like this would be offered for free. It would be a 30 minute session, 1:1 with a naturalization attorney to discuss the family situation, and the process (there's a LOT of process).
Then I realized that this actually applies to me too. For those who don't already know, even though I've lived a total of 18 years (our of my 24) in the United States, I'm still technically a citizen of the Republic of Korea. Sure, I've been a visa holder, and now bear a Permanent Residency, but in some ways there's always been some sort of invisible barrier, or mark that subtlely reminded me that I was still an outsider. Growing up, this wasn't something that really seemed to matter, other than being a mental note and a BIG inconvenience when applying for colleges, jobs, etc. When I first came back to the U.S. in 2000, I as a J-2 dependent, under my dad's J-1. J-visas, I believe, are for foreign contract workers, without the intent to immigrate; in other words, not allowed to apply for permanent residency. At some point, I shifted to R-2 under my mom, and had it until moving to PR status. Yes, what an honor; I am now a resident alien of this country, and have my fingerprints in some database in the Department of Homeland Security. Yay.
Not surprisingly, I've always felt that my relationship to the U.S. government and the country itself was a bit conditional; despite growing up taught that my story is one of many millions, and virtually every person with an immigrant story in their family history (yes white people, you fall into this category too--*gasp*), yet something seems to happen to those people bearing the U.S. Citizen title, and enjoy privilages not available to the millions of other non-citizens living in this land.
Let me say in advance, that I don't quite use the terms "American" and "U.S. citizen" interchangably. I know U.S. citizens that haven't spent more than a few weeks of their adult lives in this country, and certainly don't relate to the culture, as well as non-citizens that are working for the political campaigns, pay dues to the NRA, and have kids in American public schools. Who's the more "American" one of those two?
Most people don't really think about citizenship this way--they're either born into one country or the other, and they don't bother doing anything else. If they choose to stay in the United States, they're generally happy about it enough, and their citizenship status to care. Even activist Americans that seem to treat the term as if holding a little bit of shame don't deny that they're Americans. For most people, it's really simple--it's something associated with the country you happen to live in; it's something you're born with, and no more changable than the culture you live and breathe. Having spent 2/3rds of my life in this country (and probably 90% of my formative years), and yet still not being a citizen, I've always thought of the concept very archaic, and with regards to the process of changing citizenship, it's filled with rules that I never really bought into logically. As a teacher, what do you teach a kid that's learning about Thanksgiving in school, if there are non-citizens in the room? Do you call them out to recognize that they're different, or that this history doesn't apply to them, or teach that there isn't anything different, and that many cultures come together to make this country? My second grade teacher (Mrs. Halversen, Willard Elementary; Evanston, IL--if you ever see this, you're awesome!) chose the latter, and it seemed to make sense; for natural-born and naturalized Americans, as well as foreigners and hybrids like me.
Well that's great when you're growing up, or in college, grad school, med school. You're paying money (or your parents are in the form of taxes) to get an education, and people will generally assume that you're a contributing member of society. Growing up, many of my friends were in a simlar boat, and that made it very easy to discuss the challenges, and work through the ambiguous. Besides, our pride for Naperville North, the Fighting Illini, and Chicago was far more feverent than this abstract concept of national pride. Much of that changes if you choose to work, and take those skills/knowledge that you gained while in school to make money in the great U, S of A, like I've chosen to do. Sure much of the multi-culturalism is there, but now that taxes, elections, and societal impact are concerned, it seems to matter so much more what color your passport is. I believe I'm contributing to the larger world, but I've definitely been privilaged to have grown up, and to work and live where I do.
Do I consider myself American? Haha, that's a tough question. Historically, I've said no, and understood that my status made me somewhat different. Do I consider myself Asian-American? Absolutely. The feelings, privilages, and difficulties as well as my story fits very closely. Is citizenship tied to it? It probably should, more than it does, but I feel my experience would have been the same even if I had been born as a citizen. If my parents I had moved to Chicago a year earlier, I would have been a natural-born American, and we wouldn't be having this conversation. As for citizenthip, despite the fact that it should be the ultimate representation of your heart's loyalty to a culture, usually, the reasons why someone is one or the other is completely arbitrary, and influenced far more by practical reasons than one's loyalty to the words of Francis Scott Key.
And you know what... I think I'm okay with that. Kind of like software patents, it's an archaic system that's broken in so many ways, that it might as well be scrapped. But it provides some value, and in a noisy world where we need to label and generalize to live and make sense of things, it helps a great deal. It's not a problem that many have to even think about, my parents certainly didn't, and my kids probably won't--but as a very small segment of the story, I feel a need to write about my experience. I'll do that some day. In the mean time, I'll check out this workshop =).
Thanks Global Migration team!
Thoughts on black-asian race relations coming from A Good Day to be Black and Sexy (2008)
A film by Dennis Dortch; A between-the-sheets peek at Black Love and Sexuality.
I had a chance to watch A Good Day to be Black and Sexy (2008) earlier today; let me definitely say "Thank you Netflix!" If it wasn't for you, I would never have the fortune to find completely random stuff like this that I would come to enjoy. I'll admit, before I watched the film, I was expecting something along the likes of Soul Plane, a 'unique' (if not utterly ridiculous) film, exemplifying (and exploiting) the over-the-top hip-hop archetypes of material worship and what some would call misogyny. In stark contrast, Black and Sexy is a delicate film depicting six related vignettes to show an interesting cross section of indiviuals and relationships in different states of stress as they go about defining moments. I particularly enjoyed Tonight (Part II), and American Boyfriend, both of which I thought showed rarely depicted yet universally understood relationship interactions. The latter, which I'll speak on here, deals with the only interracial couple throughout the film, with Jesse (Alphonso Johnson) being the illicit black boyfriend of Jasmine (Emily Liu), who is a second generation Chinese-American.
Contrary to many films dealing with an asian character in a supporting role, especially one in an "African-American romance" film, I felt that Jesse and Jasmine's interactions, particularly the interracial quirks of a black-asian couple, surprisingly authentic. It's beauty lies in the subtleties of the acting, and both performers play it well off each other (if not with each other). While the scene in the first half is ridden with mildly race-related undertones, it is done under the pretext of flirtatious banter and is certainly not an unnatural concept.
The interesting bit comes in the second half when her first-generation parents come home, and Jesse is hidden in Jasmine's room. After failing to sneak Jesse out, she ends up going downstairs for dinner, leaving Jesse upstairs in her room to call a friend to discuss what he perceived as the ridiculousness of the situation. Meanwhile, Jasmine downstairs is confronted by her parents about her affair, and while she attempts to dodge most questions, finally concedes when asked "is he Chinese or American?" If it wasn't understood already, Jasmine's mother asks if he is a blue-eyed blond, making it clear that by "American", Jasmine's parents are clearly referring to "white". Almost as if it was a cop-out, she says "American", which is technically, if not semantically, true. While progressive minded second generation asians may cringe at the exploration of this theme, it is likely an experience that every asian raised in North America can relate to. "It" being the ever-present, either subtly or overly, racist undertones against those of African descent, ironic given the near universal recognition of Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods among sports-watching native asians.
So how did this come to be? It's hard to say, given that at the turn of the last century, there was just as much dislike of those of European ancestry. Perhaps it had to do with the various military incidents of Okinawa, the tales of the Rodney King riots in LA, the transported stereotypes from their native lands as multi-culturalism takes root, or, perhaps more interestingly, transmuted stereotypes from American culture finding interpretation among Asia. Regardless, racism of various forms directed at blacks are a reality among many first and zero generation asian immigrants. Now, I'd like to make a clear distinction between racism of first and second (and beyond) generations. The vast majority of second generation asians know full well the history of race relations in America, and are more prone to play racist among decidedly American stereotypes, though, I'd have to say, at a less overt level than that among white or black Americans (when is the last time you saw a group of asian people yelling racist slurs at a passerby? Probably a lot longer, though the reasons are debatable).
In any case, the struggle that Jesse and Jasmine are facing will be distinctly familiar to those of either decent, and I remember actually watching American Boyfriend in great suspense as I wondered how this conflict would flare up. As Jasmine is becoming more at ease with her "American boyfriend" story, Jesse becomes increasingly agitated as the minutes wear by. He finally snaps, he starts dribbling his basketball in an overt rejection of his covert status, and Jasmine becomes increasingly flustered attempting to divert the discussion somewhere else. Finally, he marches downstairs in an overt disruptive show, stomps around the dinner table and makes a point to kiss Jasmine right in front of her shocked mother, before storming out with a grin.
I really enjoyed this scene for what it depicted, a smack in the face at traditional-minded racist views of an oppressor. Yes, part of me wasn't entirely happy with Jesse's rejection of the subtleties of asian-black race relations, but I'll admit, he was right to. Much to the direector's credit, the depiction of the stress in Jasmine and her family felt authentic, and the righteous exit of Jesse was well justified. It did make me wonder though, about why race relations between blacks and asians are so tense and undefined in an allegedly "post-racial" society.
Now, I'm not saying that there aren't other sources of tension and mutual struggles for legitimacy in a society that is still very white-centric, but I need to ask: what factors contribute to the particular asian-black interaction? In particular, what is different that characterizes asian-black interaction versus asian-white or black-white race relations in America?
Who needs names when you have memes?
I had the most awesome fun discussions with some CouchSurfers last Friday. It was my first time hanging out with members of this massive community, and it was a great one. I swear, I think I'm developing a little bit of hippie-ness inside of me after living in Seattle for nearly a year. Meeting new people is so much fun, especially open-minded, accepting, less judgemental people that love expressing themselves, but also love listening just as much--sometimes I wonder why more of the world can't be like this.
We spoke on all sorts of topic that somehow all seemed to point towards some common sense of spirit, be it a discussion on:
- American/Korean cultural imperialism across Asia
- A debate on linguistics and the relevance of the Sapir-Whorf hypothesis (which Zina claims has been disproven--whoooohooo!!!!)
- North Korea's attempts to eliminate gov't resistance by removing words that "fuel" oppositionm, and whether or not this is counter-productive since it creations social memes of generalized concepts
- The importance of language at communicating a movement of resistance to authority
- Whether or not Twitter's "trending" topics are analogous to cultural memes outside of the web-context...
- Racism in Korea, Asia, and the *importance* of American imperialism to promote peace (i know Joyce would've loved this part of the discussion), and et cetera to infinity...) This could go on for so long about the awesome discussions we had, but from there, I gleaned a few important thoughts.
First, that I have this deep internal need to be social on an intellectual level. Sure, I have friends that I discuss politics, life, values, etc with, but not in a *long* time (at least since the debates on religion that I had with Nick/Jason) have I had that sense of making an epic scholarly journey through perspectives and life, but that was five years ago. I needed this discussion to spark my curiosity for now, and the future.
Second, (should I be starting a new paragraph???) I have a very strong sense of "sharing" what I believe and love with my friends, family, and the world. I knew this when I felt the joy of recommending a movie that moved me, or a story that somehow touched a part of my life, or even inviting a friend into a discussion that I passionately care about. That joy of sharing is so vital to my sense of contribution to the world, that if I didn't have all these outlets to post Status Updates, Youtube / Article Links, Twitter updates, blog posts, I think I would be painting posters and hanging them off my apartment expressing the same. I had such happiness sharing ideas, listening to these peoples' stories, that I knew I had to do it again. And I will.
Finally, I learned that in most places in my life, we highly-emphasize the importance of building relationships, building trust, and remembering names. We have this, "prove me your worth first, then we can be friends/collegues, etc..." attitude that is pervasely self-oriented, conceals personal agendas, and focuses on building "goodwill" i.e. the currency of soft-power. It might be necessary in social settings, but the CouchSurfing community blows that away completely. The hippiness that I loved was the implicit trust in people, that we can talk about personal details, share stories, without the concern of judgments or retributions because we all seemed to recognized that we were merely individuals, and while our common bond might be our language, there could have been any number of divergent lifestyles and viewpoints at that table. And somehow, it didn't matter. I guess you kind of have to have this attitude, since people in this community come and go as fast as people you see on a bus. You might meet someone you could be best friends with, but their lives take them where they go, and that's ok. Did I mention that after hours of passionate discussion that i hardly knew each others' names, who they were, or where they came from? In the corporate world, asking someone's name might have been an insult ("after this deep talk, you still don't know my name?!"), but here, it wasn't even necessary. As someone who can't remember names for the life of me, I liked that 
.
Anyway, the only point I wanted to make by this point is to be open, be sincere, accept those around you, and love thy neighbor. I remember reading once in a blog post a comment that some Brit had made, and it stuck with me as something to live by: "Live free and die free, fuck the powers that be, but respect your fellow man."
Now there's something I can live and die by.
Related Links:
- http://www.couchsurfing.org/
Social Mores of the 21st Century
I've realized why I've been tweeting and Facebook PSUing so much: Because right now, I have an excess of a desire to share awesome things that I've read and experienced! So, instead of cluttering up my friends' Twitter feeds, Facebook home pages, and incessantly getting CAPCHA challenges from Facebook, I'll make a compilation post of the various things that've taken up my attention for the day.
First of all, I recommend everyone to immediately pick up the current edition of Wired, and read up on the "How to Behave: New Rules" section; besides being the best "How-to" from Wired in a long time, it's a very revealing series of small articles about the social expectations of our techified / webified culture, and what to-do, what not-to-do. I love Wired. Seriously, it's one of the most intelligent, well-written, relevant magazines in today's age. I want it read at all my major Life Events.
And for the rest of you, un-Wired people (or those who only enjoy freebies), here it is in Online form.
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/magazine/17-08/by_index
They're funny, short, and a refreshing read for everyone of this age. Here are links to my favorite ones:
Don't Work All the Time -- You'll Live to Regret It
Never Broadcast your Relationship Status
Don't Google-Stalk Before a First Date
There's No Such Thing as Too Many Friends
Texting in the Company of Others is OK
Don't Blog or Tweet Anything With More Than Half a Million Hits
What I appreciated most are about the articles, besides being well written are that each is solidly grounded in some body of academic research, and provides links to relevant content. I thought only Wikipedia gave you that kind of linking joy!
Damn, reading all this is making me wonder about where to take my career from here. Everyone plays around online, enjoys good technology, and by working with web services as part of my daily life and job, I find it awesome that I'm in a position to be making a difference in how web services are used by people around the world. What to do with that position... is another story.
Anyway, that's all for now; I have a lot I want to share about my experiences in Korea... till next time!
Entry 2 – 7/7/2009 – Korea, Korean, and Koreans
Life here in Seoul is facinating, and I realize that even though I might not understand it all, it's very much a part of who I am. Despite the sense of "being in a different place" that I feel here, it doesn't feel at all alienating, or foreign, and the more I spend here, the more I remember that there's a lot to learn and like. Having travelled a bit over the years, I can finally note a lot of similarities and differences to the cities in Asia, Europe and the U.S. Seoul is definitely a lot more like Beijing than Shanghai, similar to Paris in the sociatal and political spectrum, and vastly different from any American city I've been to. You don't see little kids playing at city parks without adult supervision well past midnight in Seattle; or junior-high girls walking in pairs late into the night across a major city center. It's such a different kind of city than anything in the U.S. that you just have to see and live it. The size/scale/and proximity of everything forces people to live where they walk and work, and the city, isn't just a place to go, but it's very much a part of who they are. I like it here
Here, I don't mind the cigarette smoke, the drunk old men on the street, or even the poor beggars petitioning for money as they go by. The old Confuscian heirarchy of society which I had been so strongly against when I was young now suddenly makes sense--and the sense of respect for your elders and your fellow man is so so beautiful to me now. The respect for people working for the public service, janitors and street cleaners even is so strong, that it feels like a society that just works. Despite the income disparities, and corrupt politicians, the overt view is one of a capitalist society balanced with a societal need to support each other. It's very beautiful in what it can be, and something that I wish I could take back with me to the U.S.
That's not to say that Seoul is not without it's flaws; the lack of individualist expression and the fad/mob-mentaltiy to everything puts me off a bit, though I think this is more out of fear of expression than something that's engrained in people. It's like the whole popular society revolves around what the "sociatal leaders" say, and these "leaders" tend to be whoever gains the mob first. Trends rise and fall quickly, and despite the stability of the cultural heirarchies, the more transient lifestyles of people tend to change on a whim. The Americas and Europe seem to handle this a little bit more maturely.
Anyway, overall, I would love to spend a year or two out here, understand and contribute my peace to the world here. There's a lot that I want to learn, and whether I like it or not, it's a reminder that there's much more to *being* than me, my hobbies, and my job: there's also perspective of where you are, how you fit into the people and environment around you, and the world at large--something Aristotle knew very well, and something that's been missing from my life for quite some time.
My grandmother's passing and service was a very powerful reminder of the importance of family, parents, and heritage. I had never been to one before, and knew nothing of what it was like outside of movies and books. It was something that I feel unworthy to describe with words, and I won't even try.
Entry 1 – Asiana 271 — 7/4/2009 – 8:33 PM (PST)
(If you have been tagged, it means you're mentioned--probably because I think we should meet up over the next week!)
I don't think it would be a complete trip without taking some time to reflect upon it so here we go. Two days ago, it you asked what my July 4th plans were, I would've said a massive 30-mile bike trip from the University of Washington into Redmond, on my "new" mountain bike with a church community that I'm growing more familiar with. Instead, I'm sitting in seat 38G of Asiana Flight 271, seven hours into a 12 hour flight to Korea and at the start of a one and a half week long trip using vacation days I don't have to a country I haven't been to in three years. Suprising how factors outside my control can change my priorities and schedule so suddenly.
There are a lot of emotions and thoughts swirling underneath my consciousness; I'm not really thinking about them, but it's definitely putting me at unease. <REDACTED> It sucks that I need to be worrying about that now given the circumstances of my travel, and especially moreso that I won't get closure until I'm about to leave. Rohit did give me good advice though, that while I can't do too much about these unknowns, I can work to have a more meaningful experience while I'm there.
So that's what I'll do.
Second on my mind is how to make the most of the 10 day trip that I have. This whole trip came rather suddenly, and I'm not sure if the people I want to see are going to be around, or available if they are. And then there's work--there are some critical meetings occuring, so I'm shooting to be remote working for 4 hours / day. How effective this will be, I'm not sure, but I'm hoping that I can put the time I spend adjusting to jet-lag to good use. Here's the list of things on my agenda:
Pri0
- <REDACTED>
Family and Family
- Grandmother's farewell / Visit to family graves
- Chill with Jeeyeh/Jeewoo
- Meet up with Sunghwa nuna
- Meet up with Joyce
- Meet up with Haine
- Meet up with Huh
- Meet up with Austin
- Meet up with Jenn
- Meet up with elementary / middleschool buddies
- Meet up with... anyone else that's here???
- Actually DO stuff with people met up with, and LIVE while I'm here. 
Work
- Try to get 4-hours / day of work accomplished.
- Visit MSFT Korea
- <REDACTED>
- <REDACTED>
It's a tough plan, with a lot of stuff, and not too much time. Time to get on it! See the rest of you all soon, and thanks for the best wishes.
Xander’s (Post-College) Life – Year 1
What are you afraid of *not* achieving?
I attended an awesome Microsoft Research Visiting Speaker session with Keith Ferrazzi last week. Keith Ferrazzi is, of course, the youngest partner in Deloitte Consulting's history, now-CEO of Ferrazzi Greenlight, and the author of the New York Times Bestseller, "Never Eat Alone" (
http://www.amazon.com/Never-Eat-Alone-Secrets-Relationship/dp/0385512058). The book speaks of the importance of building real relationships based on emotional connections and mutual trust, to success in business and life. I haven't read the book, but I had heard plenty about it from various sources, so I knew Ferrazzi himself would have something interesting to say, the way bestselling authors usually do, so I took a break during the middle of the day and checked it out.
The topic of the talk was called "Who's got your back?" loosely related to another book of his of the same name. Here's the summary from the book cover itself:
Disregard the myth of the lone professional "superman" and the rest of our culture's go-it alone mentality. The real path to success in your career and in your personal life is through creating an inner circle of "lifeline relationships" - deep, close relationships with a few key trusted individuals who will offer the encouragement, feedback, and generous mutual support that every one of us needs to reach our full potential. Whether your dream is to lead a company, be a top producer in your field, overcome the self-destructive habits that hold you back, lose weight or make a difference in the larger world, Who's Got Your Back will give you the roadmap you've been looking for to achieve the success you deserve
The first thing that struck me was how true the above was. It seems obvious that networking is critical to professional success, everyone needs friends, and proper people skills are often the greatest barrier to massive riches. Sure, everyone understands that, but so often, it's from the practical perspective of, "how do I use this relationship to my advantage", or "what can I get out of this relationship"; in other words, a purely business, or tactical relationship--like a game of Risk, (or Monopoly, as I recently realized), where you form a relationship so long as it is to your personal advantage. As sad as it is, it's often accepted as the stressful, impersonal reality of corporate life...
Or is it really? These views of the social cynic trying to climb the corporate America ladder haven't impressed me much--mostly because I, like Elissa, believe that all relationships, even those formed in industry are personal, and will have impact far longer than you might understand. Keith corroborated that line of thinking by asking us to think of three people that's "got our backs". These are three people, friends, coworkers, family, whom you trust to have your best interests in mind, and are committed to your personal and professional success. And these aren't just the occasional mentor, or career coach (although they certainly can be)--these are three people that understand you, your dreams, and are bold enough to push/prod and challenge you when you need it. If you didn't have three people, you'd better have a way in mind to build those critical life relationships.
Do you have three people?
When I tried to name my three in my head, a lot of names and faces bubbled up. People I'd grown up with, my parents, old mentors, pastors, friends... but *very* few actually stuck as people whom I was truly open with, and shared my dreams, hopes, fears, and ultimately people that understood me enough to help me make purpose of my life. And this isn't to say that I've false-friends; rather, that I haven't been entirely honest around the people closest to me; that even amongst my closest friends, I've structured a façade to build an image for myself which I would try to live up to. Holden might have called me a phony.
In any case, that question made me rethink of what my role was in ensuring my own success. I think the best advice I could glean from that was… "keep it real".
The second question he asked was a derivative of a common childhood question about life, also frequently used as an interview question. The original was boring, but his made me think hard:
"What are you afraid that you won't achieve in your life?"
All too often, I try to answer the reverse question: "What do I want to achieve?". It's a great question; it gets you to think with life as a blank slate, and find possibilities to get from A to B. It makes you bubble up all the idealistic things you want to accomplish. His question was different. On the surface, it's the same, but it makes you think differently, as if life was a picture all complete, and now you had to take a big bad eraser and start wiping away dreams. It makes you ask yourself, what is most important to you? At least, that's how I interpreted that question, and I really thought about what would be most important to me at the end of my life. For me, it boiled down to three things:
- Family. Self-explanatory.
- Significant contribution to society--preferably a positive technological impact in the way we live, share, and reflect on our lives.
- Been good to my friends, family, and community--being someone that I can live with.
Fortunately, for me, the answers were nearly the same--(showing that ive minimized cognitive dissonance over the past few years); yet it gave a fresh new perspective of looking at my life in terms of things I can't do without. It was good.
The final lessons I learned from Keith were his struggles with insecurity; the fear that you weren't measuring up. I laughed at this point, because that's exactly how I feel quite often; even in the face of clear success, somewhere deep down, I ask self-defeating, skeptical questions to myself, "was this a fluke?; do I really deserve this?; is this gonna be the best I'll ever be?" It's like I'm subtlety asking for someone to scream at me at tell me on a job well done, but even then, I might not have believed it.
He spoke of when his first book got to the NYT Bestsellers list… how instead of cheering, and being happy, he freaked out and asked those very same questions. Funny, isn't it--that if your personality doesn't allow you to relax, even in the face of success like this, you'll be stressed out. The key is to work hard, be humble, but to give yourself a pat on the back from time to time.
I don't have much else to say beyond what I"ve already said, except… I'll definitely be attending more MSR Visiting Speaker seminars from now on.
New beginnings.
Every now and then, you need to sit down, free your mind of your current mood, and get ready for a new age. For me, now is one of those times. One month before the biggest most exciting change of my life, transitioning from a child still dependent on my parents' allowance, to completely taking care of myself--in a new city, new position, with new surroudnings.
Yes, I'm excited. Yes, I'm a little anxious. But hell yes, I'm ready for a new beginning.
College was great, I met awesome people, learned an amazing amount of stuff that I was barely aware of beforehand, but also to never confuse my career with my life. Moderation is everything; that's one of the wise wods that Beckman left behind, and something that I still have yet to fully learn. The great balancing act continues...
New beginnings are a great moment to renew yourself, but I'm still not perfect, going into this next step. A lot of interviews ask about my greatest weaknesses--I've given a different answers every now an then, but they've something like follows:
- Sometimes, I'm impatient..
- Often, until I remind myself not to be, I'll be strongly devoted to one point of view...
- When things aren't going smoothly with people, I often spend an inordinate amount of mind and effort to reconcile things...
- And lastly, often, I don't know when to give up...
I'm aware of these weaknesses because I see them in my day to day routine, and of course, they're not always weaknesses; when the time is right, these can all be amazing strengths. In the next step to come, my goal is to get a better grasp of myself, my situations, and how to handle them in an ideal manner.
I go into this next step with a partially undefined future--but like my weaknesses, this also has a strength: Anything is possible.
New blog, new beginnings.
| M | T | W | T | F | S | S |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| « Jan | ||||||
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | |||
Xander’s Endeavors
- “Fuck you and crowdSPRING too.” – Who’s hatin’ on crowdsourcing now?
- NYC
- “(c) 2010″ is already on the web for massively scalable services? How?
- American citizenship from my own perspective
- Thoughts on black-asian race relations coming from A Good Day to be Black and Sexy (2008)
- Who needs names when you have memes?
- Social Mores of the 21st Century
- Entry 2 – 7/7/2009 – Korea, Korean, and Koreans
- Entry 1 – Asiana 271 — 7/4/2009 – 8:33 PM (PST)
- Xander’s (Post-College) Life – Year 1