Fear and Understanding

Fear. If it weren’t so inherently scary, I think I find it amusing that while most people probably feel fear when confronted with something real, tangible, or at least, immediate, what I fear most is usually far ahead of me. Things I fear are what I don’t (yet) have, or might not have. It is because of this that in the midst of my greatest successes, I most fear possible failure.

I fear with unending zeal the demise of the nanotech industry.
I fear the purposeless death.
I most fear purposeless life.
I fear the death of faith.
I fear becoming lost.
I fear losing what I have.
I fear not finding what I don’t have.

It seems that so much stems from not understanding myself as I am.

I don’t understand how I’ve come this far.
I don’t understand why I’m blessed with what I have.
I don’t understand why I seem to have so much control over my life.
I don’t understand how a confused soul like me could ever influence that of another.
I don’t…

It also seems that what I’m most not-understanding are the things that everyone else must face. Haha—I really should stop being so confused of myself.

What can I say… I’m a scared li’l kid, just looking out to the unknown petabytes of the Internet for some guidance… perhaps I’m looking the wrong way?

  • Anonymous

    Ashley!

    you don’t understand how you could influence others? Alex…. even though I only knew you for like 6 months, you just being you influenced my life. you didn’t care that I was younger than you, you respected my opinion, and made me feel welcome.

    blah! 😛