Forever

So college is finally beginning to drive me insane. Not because of the deathly same daily dorm food. Not because of the masses of midterms and projects and papers which have been piled upon me over the past week-point-five. And shockingly, not because of the fact that I spent the past 10 hours doing homework due later today, with the help of two cups of imitation Starbucks coffee and coffee ice cream and freezing temperatures provided by an open window and flannel Heartland pants while singing “Java java java… java… sucks!!!” .

Nope.

I’m being driven insane because I am stuck in a time warp, unable to move or change the world out there in other places like my own. Because my encapsulated bubble is Plexiglas and I am forced to watch other bubbles float away, mingle amongst each other and possibly even merge to form multiplexes… while I am still stuck here.

Because even as I wait for opportunity with as much respect and patience as a teenager can have, other factors are as selfish as I am and love to claim keepsies to my role and station.

Yes, the love of God is forever.

Yes, life is long and bitterness runs long but far in between.

But guess what? Mammon and Phthonos lurk far closer to my all too human worlds.

Perhaps I am doomed to watch forever. But who cares? It’s 7:25 AM… maybe I’ll get an hour of sleep tonight. Today. Whatever…

I miss life.


  • heyyy… half more year and ur not a TEENAGER anymore!!! haha isn’t that scary?? alex being 20…20….u… haha…

    But ur outta uiuc this weekend!!! don’t brign too much hw to naperville!! haha i’m not bringing anything there… no change of clothing, no books, nothing, just me to have fun.  u should do that too.  naperville is awsome

  • dont be insane! come back and visit us at ccmc i miss you!

    l.li

  • stay strong! we love you! i know i prolly dont hafta tell you this but.. college is a life-changing experience. enjoy the small things of life and dont let the big things bring you down. God will take care of you. i mean… staying up all night means you can see the sunrise right? and being at college means you can mingle with new bubbles… and maybe you unawareily (is that a word?) form a multiplex of your own.

    smile! can you feel the comfort waves i’m telepathically radiating from the rice cooker?? c’mon.. go stand closer to it… closer… closer… clooooser… there. now you feel it right??

    i love you, Cat

  • Ahahaha “staying up all night means you can see the sunrise”… funny funny.

    I’m in a bubble too. And everyone’s leaving my bubble alone as well.

  • a teenager eh? Not for long Alex. Wow… Kelly’s 19.. You’re 19… you’ll be 20 soon.. beyond the teenage years what awaits you? Multiplexes not of your own.
  • nice seeing u when i visited. ur babies are cool
  • *gasp* l.li wasn’t the first one to comment for once! amazing!
  • allleex – annndeeer…naperville misses you…i have to say that school isn’t as fun without ur senior class…this year’s seniors just aren’t cutting it….but be happpy…let all the bubbles mix with the other bubbles till the sunrise illuminates the spectrum and lights up the world

    deprived of sleep – nabila

  • Wow, Alex…I miss you very much, and I hope everything’s going well right now.  I’m also very happy to see that you’re still writing.  Guess what?!  I might be going to U of I for marching band in a few weeks!  Will you be at school the weekend after Thanksgiving?