(Entry dedicated to KT)

Good luck reading this (btw its actually 20 not 22):

So that’s that. Writing on paper is so much slower for me now, I feel as if my thoughts are being held back by my own inability. I think too fast to type anyway, slowing em down even more just makes the bottleneck worse. Plus while writing cursive, I’m focused on just getting the handwriting good that it detracts from the creative process. Just a thoguht. I mean, I can type in my SLEEP, (December 15th, 2003 Xanga entry), but I can barely write in cursive while awake. Nevertheless, penmanship has suddenly become a priority, and after nineteen years of writing chickenscratch, I think it’s time for a change. Hopefully, by the end of this year, I’ll be able to write in my sleep~

Till then–

[EDIT] — lol–adding to my Xanga because it’s 2:48, and I feel like writing some more. YOu know, I really complained and dissed my freshman year a lot–about how I didn’t do anything. But now that school’s over, my entire set of values seem to have shifted quite a bit. I actually did do a lot of stuff, and I really miss all that I used to do that year–around that time, I started making websites (inter-reality.com was born), learned to use photoshop, html & frontpage, and 3ds max for making CG movies, took computer graphics, web design, digital photo, writing, and acting classes, wrote 200 pages of the New World story, made a huge picture a month relating to the New World story, drew pictures of dragons for no reason other than to dream of flying as one… I was such a dreamer, creativity billowing into every little thing I used to do. A bit depressed the whole time yes, but nothing could be better to get me to find ways to entertain myself. It was also the time when my dad was very very ill… but that’s another story. Depression and lonelyness are necessary for personal development–and I thank God for all the traversities (my own created word) that came my way that year.

Looking at Victoria’s (i dunno her last name yet) site , I’m reminded of all the passions I had at that younger age. Seriously, what happened to all that precocious professionalism burgondging at 15? I guess I found more… normal ways to spend my time. Friends and “fun”… the things I used to write about and dream about, I began to do… and as I did so, the dreams became less enchanting, and the value of actually “living” went up exponentially.

But now that school is out… and the time is coming when my passions become who I am, all the things I set aside earlier, all by old dreams are becoming to feel more like… chains, dragging behind me–because I’d hate to give up anything–yet there’s no way I can do them all. Or can I?

I remember when I was in 7th grade, how I gave up learning computer programming because I had friends who started in 4th grade. I thought I had fallen so far behind, that I needed to find something else. Yet it’s only recently that I realized how naive I had been, and now, I wonder, is it too late yet? Can I resume my childhood penchants with the same vigor I had 4 years ago? Sitting around and wondering certainly isn’t going to get anything done–and I think I’m finally beginning to feel the limits of time creeping up on me. This summer, I have so much that I want to do, before it’s too late… SO I WILL DO IT! I already made a list of group goals, this time, it’s time for personal ones.

::XANDER’s PERSONAL SUMMER GOALS::

1. Rebuild my webpage–this time, with MODERN web components.

2. Read all the books on my list. Two hours a day should be enough.

3. Get 1 work of art done per month. So that’s 3…

4. Write the New World again

5. Learn to play Fur Elise on the piano!

6. Create a Fellowship Connection Site

7. Write letters to EVERYONE.

8. AND GIVE OUT THE SKYRIEN AWARDS!!!

9. Read the Bible, completely… mleh–gl to myself with that one…

10. Read a French book!

11. Continue the NIL story. I was somewhat inspired by Joe Nasti’s writing of a story with real people, and a bit ago, I started writing my own story, a section at at time. I’ve been writing in my AIM profile for a week or so now. This story involves us as the main characters–and begins sometime in early-April of this year. Except… it’s sci-fi/fantasy… as in… weird things start happening… the action begins when suddenly, everyone passes out in 3rd period, and wakes up to find… *poof*  6 billion people… gone. (the world population is about 6.2 billion now)

12. Inspire someone.

Yeah, I guess that’ll do. 20 Days have already passed, a LOT are still left, and I SHALL NOT DISAPPOINT MYSELF, EVER AGIN! *sigh… maybe I am really aging… I get excited thinking about all the things I could do, but when I get to work, I get tired… lose patience… please, give me the patience to be what I know can be. Merci~