who am I…?

   I am a flower quickly fading, 
     Here today and gone tomorrow, 
     A wave tossed in the ocean, 
     A vapor in the wind, 
     Still You hear me when I'm calling, 
     Lord, You catch me when I'm falling, 
     And You've told me who I am..  
     I am Yours.    

Wow… I love this song. I don’t think any song has ever made me feel so beautifully insignificant. In the Big Picture, all our most amazing achievements, our closest cares, struggles are soooo insignificant compared to true greatness and glory. Yet to dedicate my life to such a cause… what could possibly be better?

Truly humbled… if only for a moment

 

…i am Yours…

 

(-thanks xixi-and yes i violate my non-lyrical song rule for this–just too good)

 

Yay an Update!

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve updated! I hope I haven’t forgotten how to write… at leats I no how to speellz. Anyway yeah… I had a weird feeling today. While sitting in James’s house amongst 150 other people while Irena signed my year book, for about five seconds, I felt this odd… incredibly alone feeling. A brief flash of fatigue overcame me and I just collapsed onto the floor, and as I was lying on the floor, listening to the air-conditioning whirring from below, and so many people talking, shouting, socializing (typical James party), a wave of inexplicable euphoria rushed away the fatigue. (lol—wow, that sounds so alien.)—and I felt… happy!

And then tonight, as I was finally going through the so many comments that many people left in my year book, I was left with an amazed feeling. Senior year was THE ENRICHING year of my life. So much has changed within me even since I was a junior. I remember after moving here in 8 th grade, complaining about how the schools made it so hard to make new friends that were true, and even until junior year, I felt hindered by my past. It isn’t too great a feeling—it’s like helplessness and regret at the same time. Yet, something changed me this year. Senior year was such a wild ride, and the ride started in the summer. Jason may balk at this, but I credit it most of all to God for providing Teen Camp (which I still see as the beginning of a long haul). I was spiritually awakened (I won’t say re-awakened because as I’ve come to realize, I was such an ignorant sheep). It began an inward change… where my judgmental-ness and selfish core subsided… I have so many people to thank this year… I owe everyone so much! Brb…

(2 hours pass) Haha… wow, I see the importance of writing in mood. Right now, giddiness rules! At James’s house though, sadness also dominated my thoughts for a while… sad that I’m not going to Northwestern my freshie year. Kaidi shall be my hero, until… I decide that NU can screw itself, or… or whateva… U of I, so boring and mundane. Even the orientation process seems so routine. Ay… ok, I’d better get to my project before it walks off while I’m sleeping. Go to sleep Xa—no wait… go to work Xander!

Ironic how my entire project revolves around Xanga and blogs… summer is almost here for me!!! so close!!!

  • yay! Finally, an update.  James’s party was awesome. What is your project? cuz it sounds really cool.
  • Amongst 150 other people? Wow. I’m glad you had a great time. Enjoy happiness and awakening…and keep them with you as positive memories for the future. Good luck in college!
  • dang 150 ppl at jame’s house!?
    wat a parttty
    k ttyl
  • :]

    tell me more! i’m hungry for more xander scraps!

  • lyrics are quite powerful.

    l.li

  • sup?!
  • yea… i remember that song from Cry Ice Tea… makes me wanna learn sign language now… heehee